#1
Okay guys, it's been at least a year and a half since I posted anything up here, and I haven't been writing anything in that whole time. I see a lot of new names, so none of you probably even remember me but hey that's cool, I'll have to crit some people's work, especially if you comment on mine. But let's not be harsh on me lol, I'm rusty from all of this.

Anyways, life has been good. My friendship with a certain friend is as good as ever, yet confusing as hell like always and it frustrates me, so this is more of a nonsensical approach to just venting some of my annoyance or frustration, and also my uncertainty about our future. Pretty generic meaning I'd say...


Oh, and I know there is no structure to it, I never cared for any of that. If you just read each paragraph as a single sentence it flows well enough I think.


Letting your Tongue Become your Scourge

The city lies ahead; its lights strung maniacally in a fluorescent symmetry,
Celestial bodies that consume me so tirelessly, ascending gently like carotid arteries.
They threaten me with rupture and death through their encoded analogies,
Their meanings skewed to further paralysis, thus rendering me sedentary.

One motion of your hand and I'll be inert, all you have to do is mouth the words.
Let the syllables swell and contract your lips, and I'll be sure to analyze the verbs.
But your diction was always flawed, it lacked your eye's trademark clarity,
and the meanings found between the lines never ceased in their obscurity.

Your charm is like navigation during sub-subterranean aviation;
nonsensical yet alluring. Yeah, that defines you better than any of our half-assed salutations.
My lack of sincerity might as well be my utmost form of flattery.
After all, they've gone hand in hand throughout our botched history.

You are so dear to me, and yet you are the least of me.
That glimpse of happiness that inevitably attempts to mask the eternity
of the persistently multiplying months partitioning our unity.

A bit of a mouthful?

Well you were always on the fringe of letting your tongue become your scourge.
But that never seemed to transpire; permanently lost to the radio's dirge.
Well either way my darling, I was fond of this relationship throughout its premature discoveries.
If only our real-world travesties would mirror the plot structure of most stories,
offering a climax to salute the beginning of our collective demise.
Because all that I can see is our half-written conclusion still pending,
or an unbeknownst misery brought about by an ill-conceived ending.

We had the power all along and yet it's this that we've failed to act upon,
and the worst thing is that I can't even tell if what we haven't done was wrong.


EDIT: I cleaned it up a bit, hopefully it reads a bit better now.
Quote by madbasslover
Until_it_sleeps for the motherfucking win!!!
Last edited by Until_it_sleeps at Dec 12, 2007,
#2
Jez! I love you, and I'm going to crit this.. just not tonight, because I'm kind of drunk, and I have to wake up for work in less than four hours. So I'm going to lay down and stuff, but I'll be getting to this tomorrow hopefully.

Good to see you're alive still.
#3
Hahaha, I must admit that you're very punctual for an exhausted drunkard.
Quote by madbasslover
Until_it_sleeps for the motherfucking win!!!
#4
Bumpity BUMP BUMP.

Mixed feelings, I like parts of it.
Quote by madbasslover
Until_it_sleeps for the motherfucking win!!!