#1
That shall be the title for now. Its kind of weird but I really felt like writing an odd peice like this. Let me know if you like it.

I kill another one for enjoyment
Maybe I'll never stop
I kill another one for enjoyment
Just to go back on top

I sit and heal while I watch you
I ponder my deepest thoughts
I wonder what your thinking
Staring at those particular spots
You creep over by the corner
Maybe to watch over me
I still don't beleive its you
Your masked by hate, or so I beleive

I kill another one for enjoyment
Maybe I'll never stop
I kill another one for enjoyment
Just to got back on top

Now I wait and stalk you
Innocent you seem
I know that you want it to
I see your eyes gleam
Waiting to make my move
I see you fueled by envy
It drives me to fight
To make you my enemy

I kill another one for enjoyment
Maybe I'll never stop
I kill another one for enjoyment
Just to got back on top

I finally make my move
And you make yours but its to late
I have taken you down
You collapse on top of me, with all your weight
I feel the victory, the enjoyable win
But deep down inside, I know the horrible sin

I kill another one for enjoyment!
#2
Quote by STZ

I have taken you down
You collapse on top of me, with all your weight


I'll do a proper critique later, but just for clarity, how does one collapse on top of the other in a fight? Especially after you say that you have taken them down? I presume you are saying that they collapse into you as they fall? That part just didn't make much sense upon skimming through, you typically don't see people collapse on top of people in fights or shootings or whatever lol.

If you mean a guy just flopping into someone's side as they smash the ground than okay, I'm just curious.

Stupid question really.
Quote by madbasslover
Until_it_sleeps for the motherfucking win!!!
#3
This is how I pictured it when I wrote it, he was higher then me you could say so when he died/fell he fell on top of me. I really don't know any other way to explain it.

Plus I mainly used it for the rhyme weight with late lol. I thought it would fit the song, I really didn't think about it to much. I wrote the peice in a short amount of time.
#4
Yeah I was being ridiculously detailed by asking that lol, it just confused me a bit. It's not wrong or anything.

Anyways, on a lyrical level, this is decent material. It's a pretty generic fight song, but you do well to describe the different stages. I am assuming that it wasn't meant to be detailed or overly meaningful, so it gets the job done. But like I said, in terms of meaning, I didn't get anything out of it, I just don't think that I was supposed to anyways.

Seems to me like a heavy song or whatnot, I think it would work well.
Quote by madbasslover
Until_it_sleeps for the motherfucking win!!!
#5
It seems like you forced alot trying to rhyme, you should try to write with out rhyming all the time. Also, I'm not a big fan of how you repeat "I kill another one for enjoyment", I think if you do that at least write it in different words when you repeat it. I like your idea, it just needs a little bit of work. Crit mine if you will, It's called "A Dream Not True".
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