#1
I've been on UG for a while, just registered for 1st time. I thought I'd share a song I wrote last week. Please let me know whatcha think. Country/blues/rock style, think Janis Joplin, Black Crows. Given that, yes, there will be some cliche. I already have the music recorded, but am not vocally talented enough to put a keeper lyrical track down. I wrote it after returning from a visit to my tiny hometown after many years living a couple thousand miles away.

Thanks, looking forward to learning a lot from some of you music artists.

Island Road
Verse 1

D
A couple hundred faces
C
A different story told
G
Couple hundred names
G
fade as we grow old

D
Down by the river's edge
C
Looks so different to me
G
No more stained brick or
G
Broken glass in the
D C G
factory...


Pre-Chorus

Em
20 years Lookin' back
D
When so much went wrong,
C
But she's callin' me back
C
With that ol' bluesy song
D
Again...

Chorus:
G
It's a long road back to that
D
island
Em
Where that river tells me who I am
C
And where I came from

G
It's a long road back to that
D
island
Em
But the memory of you whispers
C
why I will find my way
G
home.


Verse 2:

D
Two bottles of beer
C
To wash down my fear, and hear
G
Eight different stories
G
Of the same drunken party

D
Until I can't remember
C
What we did that night
G
Or what her name was,
G
Or if it felt so right...
D C G


Extended Pre-Chorus
Em
Ya try to run away
D
From that sleepy little town,
C
But it's in you...
C
Oh, yes it is...


Em
20 years Lookin' back
D
When so much went wrong,
C
But she's callin' me back
C
With that ol' bluesy song
D
Again...


Chorus:
G
It's a long road back to that
D
island
Em
Where that river tells me who I am
C
And where I came from

G
It's a long road back to that
D
island
Em
But the memory of you whispers
C
why I will find my way
D
home....


Solo in Em/Gmaj over Em/D/C/C then Em/D/C/C progressions,
ending on G with a strummed acoustic breakdown of chorus (G/D/Em/C)
With soft blues/rock vocal riffing.


Verse 3:

D
Three o'clock in the
C
morning,
G
Long drive to Detroit,
G
And whose ex is she anyway?

D
Guitar in my hand,
C
All that's left of the band,
G
You can try to recreate,
G
But just try to make

D
A little something to hold onto,
C
Until the rain washes away,
G
All that's left of that day,
G
And the bottle's empty anyway...


Pre-Chorus

Em
20 years Lookin' back
D
When so much went wrong,
C
But she's callin' me back
C
With that ol' bluesy song
D
Again...


Chorus, Outro

-cheapr2keepr
#2
I think this is really good. The rhythm works really well and you paint a clear picture of what you are thinking. My favorite part is ;

A couple hundred faces
A different story told
Couple hundred names
fade as we grow old

Down by the river's edge
Looks so different to me
No more stained brick or
Broken glass in the
factory...


(particularly "no more stained brick or broken glass in the factory")

I read the whole song through a load of times to see if i could come up with any pointers (hmm perhaps the wrong word as i'm not that good at writing!!) but i didn't really see anything obvious!!

The song definately worked in the rhythm that i was singing/reading it to but i would really like it if you could record the music and post it in the recordings section so i could hear it. No need to record the vocals, just the music, so i can see if i had it right.

The only thing i wasn't totally sure about was the first part of verse 3;

Three o'clock in the
morning,
Long drive to Detroit,
And whose ex is she anyway?


This seemed a little random - i couldn't fit it into the rest of the song - but i'm sure it has some meaning.

Then again it is followed by my second favorite part - i love this bit;

Guitar in my hand,
All that's left of the band,
You can try to recreate,
But just try to make

A little something to hold onto,
Until the rain washes away,
All that's left of that day,
And the bottle's empty anyway...


If you could have a look at my last song "Dreams" and let me know what you think. I don't think it is as good as this but I would appreciate your thoughts. (The link is in my sig)
Quote by philjay
*Picks up TT like handbag and smacks you over the head like an angry granny *
Try that with your rocker 30


Latest Songs & Poems

[thread="1404112"] Blaze (Music)[/thread]
[thread="1207211"] Evening Sunshine (Music)[/thread]
[thread="899566"] To Wonder (Music)[/thread]
[thread="960046"]Dreams[/thread]
#3
I liked this, it had a nice laid back feel to it, but that could just be the way im interpreting it, its interesting all the way through, good solid writing my only criticism is this


D
Two bottles of beer
C
To wash down my fear, and hear
G
Eight different stories
G
Of the same drunken party

D
Until I can't remember
C
What we did that night
G
Or what her name was,
G
Or if it felt so right...
D C G


I loved this verse, i think it was my favourite part, but i didnt like the last line, it felt kindof...tacked on, like you could do better with it. I dont wanna offer a suggestion of what to reword it too because you're the writer and its your song. But if i had to find a part i didnt like it would be this part.

all in all a very nicely written song,

return crit?

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?p=10390180#post10390180
“I smoke. If this bothers anyone, I suggest you look around at the world in which we live and shut your f*ckin' mouth.” RIP
Http://www.Smash-it-up.tk
#4
Thanks, Qazo, I appreciate the feedback. I agree on that third verse, a little random. When I wrote it, it was a large collection of thoughts and remembrances pertaining to that night. Later, I struggled to have it make more sense without crushing the meaning. But hey - it was 3:00 AM, the bottle was empty, and the night was pretty disjointed by that time

I left you some feedback on Dreams.
#5
Agreed on that last line. In fact, if I recall, I had written all I cared to say but still needed a last line! The more I read it, the more it bugs me. Wow... You were pretty intuitive!

Thanks for the crit.
Quote by damn-right!
I liked this, it had a nice laid back feel to it, but that could just be the way im interpreting it, its interesting all the way through, good solid writing my only criticism is this


I loved this verse, i think it was my favourite part, but i didnt like the last line, it felt kindof...tacked on, like you could do better with it. I dont wanna offer a suggestion of what to reword it too because you're the writer and its your song. But if i had to find a part i didnt like it would be this part.

all in all a very nicely written song,

return crit?

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?p=10390180#post10390180