#1
Ok, a christian poem, in response to something that my friend wrote that was quite anti-faith so yeah, just thought i'd share it as I don't normally write like this. Enjoy, now you can't really see it because of how stupid this posting thing is, but each verse is meant to end halfway through a line (ish) and then pick up where the next one left off one the next verse, it makes more sense at the end, enjoy.

_______________________________

A simple word pleads your case
Faith; in the Lord, the Spirit, or not.
Hide behind such words with more
Extent than inner depth, you're
Just searching for Metaphors
In a precipice of lies,

In my God I
Trust, not Paul, or Matthew, but
If I were to say this, "Sacrilige,
Stupid Protestant", I accept, at will
The challenges of life, the arrogance
Of fundamentalists who believe,

When
People play games with my beliefs
I play them back, they aren't co-in
-cidence or accident we don't make
Them fit, they just work along with
It.

Much like a poem is shattered
Into verse, when you push it together
You'll find it perfectly formed, Amen
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Quote by punkman_123
Damn Auals, you're messed up. :P


Quote by ZanasCross
This just reminded me of the time that my brother in law texted his mom on the night after his wedding. All it said was "Consummated."
#3
The precipice is a place, i use it as a metaphor for his atheism, so yes, yes I can.

Thanks though
Need Singing Advice?; Read the first page then ask questions.

Quote by punkman_123
Damn Auals, you're messed up. :P


Quote by ZanasCross
This just reminded me of the time that my brother in law texted his mom on the night after his wedding. All it said was "Consummated."
#5
Haha, so do I

thank you

Could I please get a crit on this piece though?
Need Singing Advice?; Read the first page then ask questions.

Quote by punkman_123
Damn Auals, you're messed up. :P


Quote by ZanasCross
This just reminded me of the time that my brother in law texted his mom on the night after his wedding. All it said was "Consummated."
#6
It's good, it's different from how you usually write, which is good too. I like the fact that you're experimenting with different ways to phrase things. You really should post more stuff on here.

Sorry I can't write any more. It's really that good :P.
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#7
Precipice - noun
1. a cliff with a vertical, nearly vertical, or overhanging face.
2. a situation of great peril: on the precipice of war.

No, you can't.
"You can never quarantine the past."
#8
I think you can. If he is searching within a cliff with a vertical, nearly vertical, or overhanging face he can.

This piece was really confusing, and only after half a dozen or so reads I understood the last verse. Now that I do, I have to say it is brilliant. I'm not a strong christian, so I can't really get into this, but the way you have written is enough to get me to appreciate it.

Killer work.

Crit mine if you can? Feather, in my sig. Thanks.
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#9
I'm short for critting time, but you do know that protestants are christians and not atheists right? I'm a protestant and I found this a touch offensive. I'll crit this later and to the guy up there. You can search in a precipice.
#10
Quote by broken_bottles
Precipice - noun
1. a cliff with a vertical, nearly vertical, or overhanging face.
2. a situation of great peril: on the precipice of war.

No, you can't.


which is exactly why you advise people to use dirty words and get straight to the point, the precipice is not a PRECIPICE, it is a description of the ATHEISM (Atheism IS the precipice) and so TECHNICALLY, and through a little imagination (and writer's initiative to do what he/she wishes with his writing) it is allowed. Just because something isn't right with the doesn't mean it is completely wrong.

In short, It works with IN, it CAN work with IN and i'm using IN.

Thanks to everyone else, i look forward to your crits

Quote by confusius
I'm short for critting time, but you do know that protestants are christians and not atheists right? I'm a protestant and I found this a touch offensive. I'll crit this later and to the guy up there. You can search in a precipice.

Yes I understand it, I'm a lutheran, so a protestant myself, it's a joke, i'm not having a go, i get called a stupid protestant by "Fundamentalists" around here and the guy that I wrote the poem for based most of his poem on those "fundamentalists" words, ie **** covered ****, wrapped in ****.

So yes, if you read it again, i never actaully Insult Protestants, and the title is an attention grabber AS WELL as being a joke

_____________________________________________

to the guy below me

Yes, that was the point, this is my belief not the "set" belief, which is why it's a decent argument set forth and not just an "i believe in God, he died for me, Jesus is my saviour" thing, i explain myself.

Thank you
Need Singing Advice?; Read the first page then ask questions.

Quote by punkman_123
Damn Auals, you're messed up. :P


Quote by ZanasCross
This just reminded me of the time that my brother in law texted his mom on the night after his wedding. All it said was "Consummated."
Last edited by Auals at Aug 19, 2007,
#12
Someone you know wrote something anti-faith, which the last time I checked isn't punishable by death, and you got pissed off. I mean, I guess you have the right to get mad and, ahem, "retaliate" but I just think it's stupid.
Poor advice.
#13
Quote by stellar_legs
Someone you know wrote something anti-faith, which the last time I checked isn't punishable by death, and you got pissed off. I mean, I guess you have the right to get mad and, ahem, "retaliate" but I just think it's stupid.

+1

I challenge your God to a dual!

If he doesn't show up tomorrow, i will put a stop to agnosticism forever.

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I wrote this story so many days ago
and the words kept falling onto pages.
Without the loss we can't go on
and with the loss we became strong.

#14
Using as metaphor, still can't. You're not employing the definition of precipice in the metaphor correctly so your point is moot.
"You can never quarantine the past."
#15
Quote by broken_bottles
Using as metaphor, still can't. You're not employing the definition of precipice in the metaphor correctly so your point is moot.

+1, the metaphor of a precipice didn't make much sense to me.

The poem wasn't really good at all. I like that you are writing what you believed and felt compelled enough to do so and post it here, but as a poem it didn't flow, the below-the-surface messages stayed below the surface, and it is way underdeveloped.
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