#1
There comes a day
Where you have to make a choice
This choice can and will
Change the rest of your life.

Take this choice as nothing
And you will go no where
But take it too seriously
And you will lose

It's complicated
Unexplainable

You won’t know when it comes
When it’s going to come
It just comes
And you don't even realize it

I don't know if I have made that choice
I don't know what decision it is

It could be anything
One of the thousand choices
We make each day
Be careful

Be careful of what you choose
Listen to people
They are here to help
To help you

God made other people
For a reason
So you aren't alone, but be careful
Some people should be avoided

Is that the choice?
I don't know, no one does
But be ready
It will come.
Last edited by Artsniff at Aug 18, 2007,
#2
Right.

This is a nice theme, the whole choice thing, but this needs some serious work.

The whole songs a bit, well, basic. There's nothing here to really excite any reader/listener. I'm going to go out on the limb here and say your a newish songwriter, who hasn't discovered that you need to be a cocky bugger in your lyrics. You've got to be able to push the boat out a bit and such. But, first things first, basics.

Spelling needs checking. It looks much better written down if things are spelt right.

That's the only basic you need. Everything else you should make up. Read through your piece, do you really imagine belting this out in a club or an arena? I mean, I know it depends on what genre this is, but still, does it make the hairs on your neck stand up when you imagine singing it? If not, you need to make it more original. If it's got more of you and your own brand of songwriting in it, then you will start really feeling the song and get that feeling of pride when you imagine singing it.

Read more, to understand how words go together and sound together. Write as much as possible, about anything. Learn the basics of rhythm - rhythm and flow is a must for songs. Learn about rhyming, when to and not to rhyme. And choruses, try and just write choruses. Sometimes they can getting the way, but it helps just to write them.

Come back to this idea in say two months of solid songwriting, and learning your craft, and re-write it completely. Make it less like a public service ad, and more like you telling those buggers who are listening how they should be living their lives.

Edit: And, h, if you could crit me back, that would be great. In my sig. Many thanks.
Last edited by Jammydude44 at Aug 18, 2007,