#1
ok first peice ive posted. umm i hope u liky and yea help it were it needs it most=] oh i forgot to mention i cant spell that well so make it out the best u can, sorry.

intro/chorus
i can't explain what i see in your eyes
or how the sound of your voice gives me butterflies
i know i can't go on to long
without you

verse 1
i can see the stars at night time
that aren't nearly as bright as your eyes
but you know im yours and your mine
as we walk looking up at the sky

chorus
i can't explain what i see in your eyes
or how the sound of your voice gives me butterflies
i know i can't go on to long
without you

verse 2
it's hard to say when theres no such word
to describe a feeling thats so absurd
i dont have to exadurate to say
your perfect in everyway
but the words freeze before they leave my lips
caus you leave me speechless

chorus/outro
i can't explain what i see in your eyes
or how the sound of your voice gives me butterflies
i know i can't go on to long
without you
i find it hard to convey
all the things i want to say
i know i cant go on to long
without you
#2
dude

why are you writing songs about my sister
Quote by RizzoWashburn
Oh, and this is the internet. I have the right to be a douchebag. Fuck off.
#4
okay first things first..this is a very over-used topic and it's hard to write something new and original about it. I'll give you props though, I've tried writing love songs or songs of this sort and i can't get anything at all. I actually think the chorus is pretty good, it's simple yet effective. The last line of verse 1 "as we walk looking up at the sky" doesn't quite seem to flow to me and you might want to re-word it. I don't know why you added the last 2 lines to the second verse. The first one was 4 lines and i think the 2nd verse would work better without those last 2 lines. You could easily put them in a third chorus or a bridge though. Overall this is a pretty good piece i'd say especially if it's your first one. I think you could spice it up a little bit and make it more original but really it works and i'm sure whoever you're writing it for will love it.

crit mine? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=652957
nothing to see here
#5
thanks for the tips and all and yea it is a over used topic but idk its wat comes to mind for me and all and yea they did like it. alot. thanks again ill work on it
#6
this is actually pretty decent man i thought it'd be another stupid love song but it actually has some good songwriting in it
#7
intro/chorus
i can't explain what i see in your eyesbit cliche. but thats ok it's a song i suppose
or how the sound of your voice gives me butterfliescute
i know i can't go on to long
without youmeh the last two lines seem very weak


verse 1
i can see the stars at night timeboring...
that aren't nearly as bright as your eyesmm these are ok lines. but i'm indiffrent i think you can do better
but you know im yours and your minelast two lines are ok. arnt bad but isnt something that blows peopel away
as we walk looking up at the sky

chorus
i can't explain what i see in your eyes
or how the sound of your voice gives me butterflies
i know i can't go on to long
without you

verse 2
it's hard to say when theres no such wordsolid lines. cliche but it's a song. definitly solid lines, good flow
to describe a feeling thats so absurd
i dont have to exadurate to saydo you mean exaggerate?
your perfect in everyway
but the words freeze before they leave my lips
caus you leave me speechlesscute. cliche but cute

chorus/outro
i can't explain what i see in your eyes
or how the sound of your voice gives me butterflies
i know i can't go on to long
without you
i find it hard to convey
all the things i want to say
i know i cant go on to long
without you

overall this was aight. not terrible but not amazing it was cute. i suppose. hope u have some good music to help top this off crit mine? in sig
It's not stalking to watch her sleep if she fell asleep watching a movie.
a silly wind
(\__/)
(='.'=) LoNg LivE tHe BunNy!
(")_(")
#8
I thought it was cute, but kind of cliched. You could make it work if you have a good tune. I would say keep writing, I think your songs will get better!