#1
Just some lyrics that I wrote out for a song I'm working on with my guitar. Brackets are based around screaming...it's an up beat song, and sounds like something you could beat someone up too.

____________________________________________________

Night Of Young Blood

(Cut back the last of the pack,)
(And hang some while you still laugh,)
(Watch them fail to grasp the fact,)
(That God's gone at last,)

Holding onto what you want,
Freaks gone back to what they've done,
The diabolic cries to their sons,
The mercy shown hides no one,
(NO ONE)

(Oh, night has just passed by,)
(Their words still ride deep skies,)
(As I sleep, they seem to be,)
(Engaged in 1 and 3,)

17 days to long a pact,
Words sold to the ones that last,
Engaged to what you once had,
My arms, push you back,
(PUSH YOU BACK)
____________________________________________________

Is it good? Hmm? I think so atleast.

To examine the tone of the sphincter? What the hell is it, a tuning fork?
Last edited by 6sic6_blank at Aug 31, 2007,
#2
nice the only problem i found was a little break in the flow-Oh, night has just passed by,)
(Their words still ride deep skies,)"
Birdie Birdie in the sky, why'd you do that in my eye? Looks like Sugar, Tastes like sap.....OMG ITS BIRDIE CRAP!
#3
Quote by 6sic6_blank


Night Of Young Blood

(Cut back the last of the pack,)
(And hang some while you still laugh,)
(Watch them fail to grasp the fact,)
(That God's gone at last,)

Very nice, love the vocab and the general idea. however for me the word still hinders the flow. just might be the way im reading it but i think scrapin it would make the flow work. in general really great stanza.

Holding onto what you want,
Freaks gone back to what they've done,
The diabolic cries to their sons,
The mercy shown hides no one,

(NO ONE)

Really liked the underlined lines, great way to end the stanza, however again the sencond line sounded week to me, i don't really know where your goin with it or what it means. but the rest of the stanza is top notch.



(Oh, night has just passed by,)
(Their words still ride deep skies,)
(As I sleep, they seem to be,)
(Engaged in 1 and 3,)

I think that the "oh" is fine, it sounded ok when i read it, and aslo for this stanza i really liked the last line.... no idea what it means, but it flowed and i could see it sounding really good screamed.

17 days to long a pact,
Words sold to the ones that last,
Engaged to what you once had,
My arms, push you back,
(PUSH YOU BACK)

another steller part. a couple probs tho. first of all you already used the word engaged and the repete is sorta weird, so i think you should go with like enraged to what you once had or some thing along those lines.also i dont like the comma in the last line, its a good line notheless but the comma throughs me off.


I liked this, i thought of it as like a pretty hardcore haste the day type song. you dont see too many lyrics like this on UG so it was pretty fresh and original. i would LOVE to hear a recored version if you do ever come out with one, cause frankly i thought it was really well writin and could just picture it sounding really good.

Iff you could, check out my new on, its called "who made you king" its pretty hardcore i guess to, and any other one in my sig if you wanted. thanks alot and ill look out for some of your other work.
#4
(little delayed with this)

Thanks guys! I did change the last "Engaged" To Enraged, because I wasn't feeling very content with it. When I write lyrics, I tend to go along with what my mind wants...and that sometimes doesn't make sense, but adds a nice confusion into it.

To examine the tone of the sphincter? What the hell is it, a tuning fork?