#1
As I lay hear tonight,
I dream of you by my side,
Staring at the stars in heaven,
Will I ever be with you?

Enter a new day
Another day without you here,
Will it be better soon?
Will I ever be with you?


It’s a constant struggle each day,
Trying my best not to fault,
Nobody will help me,
Unable to find out why


Another day gone so quickly,
Going at lightning speeds,
Powerless to the flow of life,
Will I ever be with you?

Am I in over my head?
There’s got to be a better way,
Helpless to stop this from happening,
Will I ever be with you?


It’s a constant struggle each day,
Trying my best not to fault,
Nobody will help me,
Unable to find out why


Will I ever be with you?
Will I ever be with you?
Should I stay and wonder?
Will I ever be with you?


Please crit me on anything you feel necessary. I am sort of a noob at this but practice makes perfect. So any crit is welcome here.
#2
Overall I like it. Perhaps a little bit repetitive – but then I am reading this not hearing it in a song. It will probably work very well as a song.

It’s a constant struggle each day,
Trying my best not to fault,
Nobody will help me,
Unable to find out why


I think the chorus? Could do with some work – It seems a little disjointed, particularly the line; “Trying my best not to fault,”

There is not much more that I have to say here (I’m quite new to this as well so I find it hard to crit people’s work). It’s a nice simple song that should work well to music. Change the chorus a bit and use this as a building block for writing more stuff. The more you write, the more confident you will get in your writing.

If you get chance please have a look at either “Dreams” or “Apron Strings” (links in my sig)
Quote by philjay
*Picks up TT like handbag and smacks you over the head like an angry granny *
Try that with your rocker 30


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