#1
what would you suggested that I do from here?
I've turned the corner and I refuse to turn back
you're taste left a flavor I can't soon forget
your laugh acts the part as a matter of fact

CH:
now that you're gone, I can see the truth in you're eyes
I waited too long, before I finally realized
that you're, everything I've wanted and more
and you're, everything I've needed and more

I think I'll know you forever cause it reminds
me that angels will come and go as they please
a chance encounter is only as good as
the two people that take the time to beleive

CHORUS

BRIDGE:
as you leave I won't say goodbye
in hope that it's more a "see you later"
just in case you need to land back home
there's at least one angel waiting here

CHORUS x2
LISTEN:
A Myspace introduction to:

LEARN:
It's not always rainbows and butterflies,
It's compromise that moves us along. -- Maroon 5
Last edited by aksuperstar at Aug 21, 2007,
#2
what do you suggest I do from here?
I've turned the corner and refuse to turn back
you're taste left a flavor I can't soon forget
you're laugh is a work of art as a matter of fact

i really liked this verse
good overall
#3
This is really good!! But here are my thoughts on each verse (i've put any suggested changes in bold, only my thoughts so ignore them if they suck!);

1st Verse

What do you suggest I do from here?
I've turned the corner and refuse to turn back
Your taste left a flavour I can't soon forget

Your laugh is an art as a matter of fact

I changed some typos (your instead of you're etc). The only thing i have really changed is the last line. I didn't like: you're laugh is a work of art as a matter of fact, it seemed to be too long so i took out 2 syllables so it seems to flow better.

I love the 1st 3 lines though - great opening.

2nd Verse

I'll know you forever if it's a reminder
That angels come and go as they please
A chance encounter is only as good
As the two people that care to believe


No changes here - this is my favourite verse - i love it!! Particularly;
A chance encounter is only as good
As the two people that care to believe


3rd Verse

As you leave I'm not saying goodbye
In hope that it's more; "I'll see you later"
But in case you need to land back home
There's at least one person waiting right here


I changed the 2nd line here to try and improve flow - i think it works, especially with the quote in it now, i think it brings you more into the scene you are describing. You can really imagine being in the picture you're painting.

Whole thing with changes; - Let me know what you think?

What do you suggest I do from here?
I've turned the corner and refuse to turn back
Your taste left a flavour I can't soon forget
Your laugh is an art as a matter of fact

I'll know you forever if it's a reminder
That angels come and go as they please
A chance encounter is only as good
As the two people that care to believe

As you leave I'm not saying goodbye
In hope that it's more; “I’ll see you later”
But in case you need to land back home
There's at least one person waiting right here


p.s. a crit on one of mine would be great; either "Dreams" or "Apron Stings" - there is a link to both in my sig. Dreams is better (I think) but Apron Strings is ok.
Quote by philjay
*Picks up TT like handbag and smacks you over the head like an angry granny *
Try that with your rocker 30


Latest Songs & Poems

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#4
thanks Qazo, wasn't even sure if I posted this peice to be critted as it was more of an OTS type of thing, but I appreciate the in depth crit. I'll for sure use some of your suggestions as they were all really quite good. Thanks again.
LISTEN:
A Myspace introduction to:

LEARN:
It's not always rainbows and butterflies,
It's compromise that moves us along. -- Maroon 5
#5
made a few changes and added a chorus. Looking for a few more crits.
LISTEN:
A Myspace introduction to:

LEARN:
It's not always rainbows and butterflies,
It's compromise that moves us along. -- Maroon 5
#6
Quote by aksuperstar
what would you suggested that I do from here?
I've turned the corner and I refuse to turn back
you're taste left a flavor I can't soon forget
your laugh acts the part as a matter of fact
overall good but I dont like the "acts" "fact" rhyme.
CH:
now that you're gone, I can see the truth in you're eyes
I waited too long, before I finally realized
that you're, everything I've wanted and more
and you're, everything I've needed and more
the last 2 lines should be full of emotion but there just empty because its so boring, its songwriting, through your heatr into it!


I think I'll know you forever cause it reminds
me that angels will come and go as they please - nice
a chance encounter is only as good as
the two people that take the time to beleive baaaaaaaad cliche

CHORUS

BRIDGE:
as you leave I won't say goodbye
in hope that it's more a "see you later"
just in case you need to land back home
there's at least one angel waiting here - Not a bad bridge but its still lacking that spark imho

CHORUS x2


decent overall just a bit lacking in passion.
songs: Left Behind choices
Quote by MadClownDisease
Well I can top you all, I've done my mum, my step brother AND a cat. As well as quite a few corpses.