This silver blade speaks each dissonant phrase
In place of where we would intertwine as lovers
Limbs breathing the same leaves
Kissing the lips tinted of the reddest wine
Each tip serving as a spear
Each incision as a counting finger for time
The depth of all daylight mirrors a tainted slab of flesh
Pest ridden, discriminated against the cleanest carcass I could kill
Death did I intend?
I think not, for I have yet to cleans these hands
As I await exile, I have never felt so damned
Excreting the salt in my wound; I am an infant
Immersed into the beauty of this day after dusk
The darkness after twilight
As I await exile
To part with this auburn sky
awesome lyrics dude i have wrote many songs but need some tips for writing lyrics can u gimme some tips?

if so could u aim message me or send email to zjm3773@aol.com
Use the forums for that.

UG is for exactly what you want.
Filth, pure filth... That's what you are.
I really think we should wait untill a piece has got critique on it because it's too scary being put in the spotlight

I felt the flow was a bit choppy at times and I'll sound like a nag and say that punctuation could benefit it, and control the flow and mood of the piece more.

Also some subtle and internal rhyme would make this piece all the more enjoyable.

Very nice.
whats the meaning of it? i tried to follow it but couldnt keep up. looks/sounds nice from my view, nevertheless.
hey well
you gotta look at it more
and really try to interpret each lyric
but thank you for anyone who thought it was good
as for flow
it is really meant to be lyrics for a song rather than a poem so it really depends on how its sung I believe
thats what i tried to do .. i saw too many possibilities hidden inside the words but put together something that couldve made sense. personally, some more clues couldve helped me, like the title which is already a part of the writing rather than something else covering or giving a clue to the whole piece. but maybe it does...
Last edited by theWallofYAWN at Aug 29, 2007,

nice one.