#1
“L’essenciel est invisible”
is what le Petit Prince
once told us. Yet we still
seek for it, in life, until
death
makes us unseen.



c4c
Last edited by confusius at Oct 31, 2007,
#2
I love it.

I guess because I love the book. It really is a great book.

I might have more to say later.
マリ「しあわっせはーあるいってこないだーからあるいってゆっくんだねーん 
いっちにっちいっぽみーかでさんぽ
 さーんぽすすんでにっほさっがるー 
じーんせいはっわんつー!ぱんち・・・


"Success is as dangerous as failure. Hope is as hollow as fear." - from Tao Te Ching

#3
Quote by confusius
“L’essenciel est invisible”
is what the little prince
once told us. Yet we still excellent use of enjambament
seek for it, in life, until
Death very nice
makes us unseen.



a lovely little piece, nice work, good use of some more interesting structural and rhythmic devices and a nice message and a bit of feeling coming through, a very good piece.

sig if you would be so kind
songs: Left Behind choices
Quote by MadClownDisease
Well I can top you all, I've done my mum, my step brother AND a cat. As well as quite a few corpses.
#4
Quote by confusius
“L’essenciel est invisible”
is what the little prince
once told us. Yet we still
seek for it, in life, until
Death
makes us unseen.



I like how you quote Le Petit Prince. I should read that again

L’essenciel est invisible” should be L’essentiel est invisible”
maybe you could capitalize Little Prince. He's not something you made up, but when you have it like 'little prince' it sure looks like you made him up. I dont know how many people are familiar with him, so maybe do that.
Why do you capitalize Death, but not life?
I like how you based your poem on that one word 'invisible' and anded it with 'unseen'. Pretty clever.

I know I've been nitpicking, but it was so short and I didn't want to write 'zomg its cool POP PUNX MUSICKS?' (you know what I mean.) I liked it though, the Petit Prince reference was great

I don't think this was the poem you linked me to last night. I uninstalled mIRC and I dont think I have any logs left, so I just found the first thing up here. I'll see if I have it bookmarked somewhere.

cabby


edit: found the other one, i critted two of yours, care to get to mine? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=657251
Last edited by phantom1 at Aug 24, 2007,
#7
I'm so getting back to this.

“L’essenciel est invisible”
is what the little prince
once told us. Yet we still
seek for it, in life, until
Death
makes us unseen.

If it wasn't for Joris I wouldn't have recognised the opening lines, but it is far more rewarding with it.

As far as short pieces go this is a little gem, solid and with a concise meaning, it is one of my favourites by you. Especially for the reason Joris gave when he mentioned the beginning and end following the same meaning. It's just a tight little piece.

Nice work, it's clear you have a great future.

peACE
Filth, pure filth... That's what you are.