#1
This is the first song i've wrote

When I saw you fade, away from me
I was sure, that this was going to be
The end of the world, the end of time
As I saw you walk through the light

Now you’re gone, through the light
I’m so alone, through the light

Giving up is my only option now
Laying down and face the truth, you’re gone
Surrender to the grief I feel inside
As I see you walk through the light

Now you’re gone, through the light

You walk alone, and leave me here
The pain is burning inside me, I’m filled with fear
But I got to be strong, and try to move on
Now that you’re gone…

You can find the melody on this link:https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=656737
#2
not bad for a first song =]

keep up the good work

"The pain is burning inside me, I’m filled with fear
But I got to be strong, and try to move on"

i really enjoy when you see in a musicians soul. when theyre brutally honest of themselves, not many musicians enjoy writing about their weaknesses, and their really deep emotions, but i think it hooks people

haha again

keep up the good work
#3
Good song for first time. However, I think through the light is a horrible line and If you found a differant line it would be much better. But keep working
Some scientists claim that hydrogen, because it is so plentiful, is the basic building block of the universe. I dispute that. I say there is more stupidity than hydrogen, and that is the basic building block of the universe.
-Frank Zappa
#4
Quote by Sikhart
This is the first song i've wrote

When I saw you fade, away from me
I was sure, that this was going to be
The end of the world, the end of time serious cliche, FLEE!
As I saw you walk through the light Isnt a great line but it gives me a decent image so its not too bad, could be better though, its not very poetic.

Now you’re gone, through the light
I’m so alone, through the light doesnt make sense, and the repeat is horrible

Giving up is my only option now
Laying down and face the truth, you’re gone take off the "you're gone", you dont have to make evry point blindingly obvious, people can figure it out for themselves in a song with a simple theme like this.
Surrender to the grief I feel inside
As I see you walk through the light

Now you’re gone, through the light

You walk alone, and leave me here
The pain is burning inside me, I’m filled with fear
But I got to be strong, and try to move on
Now that you’re gone… first couplet, good rhyme! 2nd couplet, bad rhyme!

You can find the melody on this link:https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=656737


overall, not brilliant, good effort for a first song and you took a cliched topic but redeemed it slightly with the slightly different "through the light" thing, even if it wsnt so poetic.
songs: Left Behind choices
Quote by MadClownDisease
Well I can top you all, I've done my mum, my step brother AND a cat. As well as quite a few corpses.