#1
Okay, thew quotes and be in real life, or UG. Who cares. Just post really stupid things either you or some else has said. I will start:

She was dead serious and an abrahamic theist; "Well, you're not going to get into heaven if you don't, like, do your homework"

I don't know if it was at this forum or another, but someone said; "I'm allowed to watch as much porn as I want, as long as my mother aproves of it first"

This was at gamespot when I was having an ethical debate with a user; "WTF is a metaphor?"
#2
I got a homework sheet from the English department at school which confused similies and metaphors.
It confused all hell out of me until my mum told me the sheet was wrong. She then told me not to bother doing it, wrote corrections on the sheet and told me to hand it in.

This, of course, is the same woman who, one Christmas day, told us Santa hadn't come yet because we were at the end of the street, so he got to us last. It turns out she just hadn't bothered putting the presents out yet(which Santa had indeed left the night before).
#3
"You're not allowed to play bass with a pick! It's against the rules!"

"He's probably car sick." (One of my friends was ill after sledging in the snow. He'd basicly turned blue)

"It was over 55C in that shade! Seriously!" (Talking about a holiday in Spain)

"No don't get a stuffed crust pizza. I'm allegic to cheese!"


All from the same guy... and he wonders why we nicknamed him "Retard"...
#4
Quote by WhiteStripesIII
"You're not allowed to play bass with a pick! It's against the rules!"

"He's probably car sick." (One of my friends was ill after sledging in the snow. He'd basicly turned blue)

"It was over 55C in that shade! Seriously!" (Talking about a holiday in Spain)

"No don't get a stuffed crust pizza. I'm allegic to cheese!"


All from the same guy... and he wonders why we nicknamed him "Retard"...
That end made me laugh
#5
"That's exactly the same ... only different."
Meadows
Quote by Jackal58
I release my inner liberal every morning when I take a shit.
Quote by SK8RDUDE411
I wont be like those jerks who dedicate their beliefs to logic and reaosn.
#6
I love vincent745

no, but really somebody told me once that Toni Iommi was a terrible guitarist and didn't play in a metal band, but the guitarist from AFI not only was the greatest guitarist of the 20th and 21st century, totally revolutionized metal...yeah it made me laugh for about five or six minuites
#7
My Dad has a sh*tload of sayings...

One incident I remember was we were at a all you could eat buffet one evening and my dad decided to impart some "fatherly wisdom" to me.

Dad: "Alright Matt, remember. These buffet's come at a pretty fast clip so pace yourself...be sure and watch out for your 'fillers', your breads and rolls, chips and dip. Remember you can always go back for more..don't try and be a hero."

Me: "umm...ok...thanks Dad"

Later that evening he told me about how I may be thin now but all the trips I made to the buffet will catch up with me later. Or in his words...

Dad: "You know Matt...you can only eat like that when your young. When you get my age it catches up with you something fierce."
Me: "ok..."
Dad: "Yep son....the sands of time don't flow up the hourglass you know."
Me: "Wow..never heard it put that way before dad...makes being fat sound fun"
Dad: "bahaha well you know what my dad used to say...

"a man needs a shed over his tools!"

I lol'd when he told me that.
Quote by HaKattack
Wait a second..how did KoRn get you into metal? That's like Nancy Reagan getting you into heroin addiction and prostitution!
#9
On one IT lesson, I was pointing at the computer screen. Our teacher shouted, "stop fingering the screen you miserable peasant!" And another time, "Don't bang the keyboard or I will bang you!!!"





Quote by KileManA7X
I remember my first erection. I went to my dad and was like "Do I have Aids???". I seriously thought there was something wrong with me.



#10
This was to my Jewish friend from one of the popular girls at my school. Lets call her Morgan.

Morgan: Hey Max, how is your Kwanzaa going for ya?
Max: Kwanzaa isn't a religion, I'm Jewish.
Morgan: *Inserts lame Jesus joke*

A month or two later:

Morgan: I still think you're Kwanzaa, but my lunch table says you're Jewish.
Max: I AM JEWISH!
Morgan: Okay, but I still think you're Kwanzaa...
#12
Quote by WhiteStripesIII
"You're not allowed to play bass with a pick! It's against the rules!"

"He's probably car sick." (One of my friends was ill after sledging in the snow. He'd basicly turned blue)

"It was over 55C in that shade! Seriously!" (Talking about a holiday in Spain)

"No don't get a stuffed crust pizza. I'm allegic to cheese!"


All from the same guy... and he wonders why we nicknamed him "Retard"...


Lucky enough to be there for all of them

Also, from the same guy,

Him: ''I'm not drinking that coke, it's got floaters in it!!''
Us: ''Er, thats called a bubble''

Ans he has reffered to Flea as 'The Fwee' many time


GAS
Throbak Stonebender | Fulltone Deja Vibe | Catalinbread Semaphore
#13
Me and this friends were out getting hamburgers:

"hey dude, how big is the 200g hamburger?"
...And the worms ate into his brain.
#15
Two friends were trying to rip apart a pancake down the middle so they each got half and one said "hey don't rip it so quickly! You'll end up ripping it in half!"

A girl said this to a friend of mine: "You remind me of those cartoon kids. You know the kid from Recess? The black guy who is sort of a main character. I remember I once saw in Recess when he took a shower and he used heaps of soap." To this day I do not have a clue what she was talking about.

In history class the teacher asked my friend what month World War II started in. He didn't know and so the teacher said "I'll give you a clue, the month WWII started in begins with 's.'" My friend then goes "Ummm...Sunday?"

At our school canteen we have 390ml sprites. Everyone refers to them as "small sprites" because you can also get a bigger bottle of sprite that is like 600ml. My friend once went to the canteen and asked for a "big small sprite."
You are like a hurricane
There's calm in your eye.
And I'm gettin' blown away
To somewhere safer
where the feeling stays.
I want to love you but
I'm getting blown away.
#16
One time after one of my basketball games, which we lost, I walk over to my parents and my mom says, "Man, if y'all would have scored more, y'all would have won."

She always says stuff like that.

Another time we walked back into the house and saw that the Texas Longhorns were playing, and my dad says, "Well, it's still 0-0, so we didn't miss much." And my mom follows that with, "Who is winning?"

We make fun of her a lot.
#18
Quote by teegman
Some jerk once asked me "what's wrong with melody?"

Hopefully natural selection will sort him out soon enough.

Oh, you rambunctious thing you.
Quote by vintage x metal
I love you =] I can't say I was very fond of you when we first started talking because you trolled the hell out of my threads, but after talking to you here I've grown very attached to you.

Yeah, write to my fanclub about it, honey.