#1
He steps out on the floor,
putting fear in our eyes,
out the door, to see what the city hides
to look for his mind, lost over time,
trying to find, something lost in diskies

the voice can be heard, from far and wide,
across the mountains, through the tide,
into your head, outta your mind,
lost in translation,
lost in the crime,

you live, and you cry,
breathe and you die,
touch and you feel,
but in the end,
the only need to give,
is the freedom to live

the writings on the wall,
crystal clear in our eyes,
whats happening to him,
is a casualty of time,

we wish we could, stop, slowdown, and look the past,
replaying the future, questioning answered at last,

when the time has come,
when all is said and done,
to see the short glimpse of your life that has past,
and wonder where you will rest at mass,
and wonder how the time has past,
and look back and see, everything you life will ever be,

IF SOMEONE COULD CRIT IT WOULD BE GREAT, i am just starting to write and wanna get some feedback, negative or positive about my work, thanks.
Last edited by Greg_23 at Aug 25, 2007,
#2
Some general tips. Write about things you have actually witnessed or experienced. Like when I was really young, just got into high school kinda thing. I tried writing love songs. Didn't work. Then I got my first long term gf for nearly 2 years, then my love songs and songs about heart break after she left me worked.

If you try to emulate something you haven't felt, it's gonna sounds cheesy and or bad, and cheesy can be good, but this is a bad cheesy that I am talking about.

You are off to a good start. And it's not all just every song you write is gonna be something you are satisfied with, there's a lot of writing a song, salvage the good and then repeat till you got it all. Another thing is try to get a little note pad or something, so if you get a idea while you are out or away from a paper, you may lose it, or lose part of it. And generally I find my writing is best done in a quiet place alone.
#4
Glad you like them. Song writing is just like everything in life about, at first it will be kinda bumbly then second nature after a while.