#1
Hey, I just wrote this spontaneously as I was typeing, it all jus flowed out, and I think it's pretty good, let me know what you think.


I walk alone, in this desolate waist land
as the sun begins to set
And I know my pain is all your fault
I wish we had never met
You came and you destroyed
All that I held dear
And honestly, in my heart
you planted seeds of fear

But I'm done being intimidiated
You can't controll me anymore
I'm standing up, I'm fighting back
of this you can be sure.

It's time to give you, what you gave me
and I'm not going to hold back
This time you've realy pissed me off
and now it's my turn to attack
You planted seeds of fear in me,
and cuase me so much pain
And in the epic battle, I promise.
I wont refrain.

And I know that this time,
it will be death or glory.
But I promise you, I'll be the one,
who'll live to tell the story.
It's to late for appologies,
I dont need your lies.
You've dug this hole for yourself
And it will be your demise

But I'm done being intimidiated
You can't controll me anymore
I'm standing up, I'm fighting back
of this you can be sure.

Now I begin to replace
All that you tore down
And now my victory
Is world renown
You attempted to destroy me
but in the end it built me up
And now I drink,
from the victors cup.

But I'm done being intimidiated
You can't controll me anymore
I'm standing up, I'm fighting back
of this you can be sure.
Last edited by HLrocker at Aug 27, 2007,
#2
thats a really good song. I'm kinda concerned about the rhyming in the "I'm standing up, I'm fighting back. Now it's your turn to feel pain" bit. u do need somethign that rhyms with pain. but other than that, its pretty good
Max
#3
Yeh, thats the part that seemed off to me, I'll see what I can do, thanks for the crit
#5
Yeah its very good, but the second last verse didnt flow as well as the rest, a bit forced. Apart from that great, but Three Days Grace - Animal I Have Become is a similar thing, but still I like it.
O Hai der.
#6
Nice job. There is definitely some anger in there. I agree with the others though that the second to last verse doesn't flow as well with the others as it could. Overall, though, great work.

P.S. Thanks a lot for the crit.
"Notes are expensive. . .use them wisely"-B.B. King

"It's been very important throughout my career that I've met all the guys I've copied, because at each stage they've said, 'Don't play like me, play like you."-Eric Clapton