Page 1 of 2
#1
Well, I've had this cat here for a few years. And, although she's only supposed to be in heat every now and again, it seems as if she's in heat every god damn night. She's always meowing at me in that sexy cat way, you know what I mean? And she rubs up against me, and jumps into my lap whenever I'm doing anything, and claws her way onto my shoulders and sits there like a parrot. Now the thing is, it hurts sometimes. And between her constantly bothering me because she wants to get laid, and constantly jumping on top of me and making noises when I try to fall asleep, I get pretty irritated. I keep throwing her off of me onto the bed, but she starts to come back every time, I've probably done this twenty times in the last five minutes. The last time I did it, though, she started biting me instead of licking me, and scratching my arms. Now instead of trying to spread love, she's trying to spread war. She's not getting the hint that I'm not going to have sex with her. So... Should I fight her? Until she's too tired to hit on me.

And no.. I'm not joking, this cat is ****ed up.
Quote by vintage x metal
I love you =] I can't say I was very fond of you when we first started talking because you trolled the hell out of my threads, but after talking to you here I've grown very attached to you.

Yeah, write to my fanclub about it, honey.
#6
ummm, i'm guessing she's not spayed?
Quote by mr.cheese..
Now I've got it! Masturbate in the mud while smoking weed!



Quote by darkstar2466
Meaning is not absolute.
#7
dude just be a man and **** the cat
PRS Santana SE
Ibanez As 83
Dean Acoustic
Crybaby
Dod Preamp Overdrive/250
DOD Grunge
EH Big Muff Pie
Digi-tech Digi Delay
Fender Hot Rod DeVille
Epiphone Valve Junior
Hand Built 2x12 cab with V-30's
Hand Built 1x12 cab with a Greenback
#8
Quote by first_aid
Dude, satisfy the poor cat's needs already.

Get the fricken pussy fixed.


You don't understand, I need a solution for tonight. I don't feel safe sleeping in the same house as this cat, lest I have the same fate as that two year old kid who was apparently raped by a pit bull.
Quote by vintage x metal
I love you =] I can't say I was very fond of you when we first started talking because you trolled the hell out of my threads, but after talking to you here I've grown very attached to you.

Yeah, write to my fanclub about it, honey.
#9
This reminds me of that one South Park episode. I haven't seen that episode in a while, it was funny.
#12
Quote by Jack Off Jill
You don't understand, I need a solution for tonight. I don't feel safe sleeping in the same house as this cat, lest I have the same fate as that two year old kid who was apparently raped by a pit bull.


Throw her out of the room and close the door.
#13
put her out? cats are supposed to be outside at night anyway
Quote by david_highland
Uh oh......you just had to go and piss off danielrobbyshor, now we're all ****ed.

Quote by Grundy0
How can an orgy be 'Nazi-style'? What did he stop halfway through and incinerate a jew?
#14
Rape your cat?
Quote by ShaunFrusciante
bignuts20 the name says it all




Quote by SailorJeff
You can sig me all you want but I still have a small penis.



R.I.P. James "The Rev" Sullivan
#16
Take it to the doctor and get her cut up, then she'll stop.
FOR AWESOME HANDWOUND PICKUPS, CONTACT CorduroyEW
BOOBS
Quote by ratmblink123
Good for you. Have a cookie.


But really... there's no cookie. And if there was, you wouldn't get one.
#17
Quote by JC13
You have to know someone with a male cat somewhere..

Play matchmaker! The kitty style!


Sure I do, and actually, I've tried pairing her up with males before, but it never goes anywhere. She's had ample opportunity to get laid by other cats, and she always fights them off. It seems she only wants to sex me.

And all I'm looking for is the pits blessing to fight my cat, and take her to school.
Quote by vintage x metal
I love you =] I can't say I was very fond of you when we first started talking because you trolled the hell out of my threads, but after talking to you here I've grown very attached to you.

Yeah, write to my fanclub about it, honey.
#19
Quote by $Guitarist$
Throw her out of the room and close the door.


She always scratches on the door and someone lets her back in here, one of my room mates.
Quote by vintage x metal
I love you =] I can't say I was very fond of you when we first started talking because you trolled the hell out of my threads, but after talking to you here I've grown very attached to you.

Yeah, write to my fanclub about it, honey.
#20
"And I said to myself 'Wellll.........'....because THIS time, I was speechless."

Might as well show the cat the time... I don't think it'll make any difference in how it wants to 'relate' with you.

Just **** the cat.
-Jay
#21
Jack off Jill I think you have the most ****ed up life of any UGer. First your eating wasps drunk and now you have a horny cat that wont leave you alone!
Quote by ShaunFrusciante
bignuts20 the name says it all




Quote by SailorJeff
You can sig me all you want but I still have a small penis.



R.I.P. James "The Rev" Sullivan
#22
Cats make really wierd noises when they have sex, like they're in pain, it's gross.


So don't have sex with it.
#24
Quote by bignuts20
Jack off Jill I think you have the most ****ed up life of any UGer. First your eating wasps drunk and now you have a horny cat that wont leave you alone!


I attribute it to having a mom who used drugs when she was pregnant.

But, I solved the problem. I let my pit bull into the room to harass her when she gets close to me. He's the jealous type.

Btw, sigged.

And PS: I think it's all in how I tell the story that makes it seem so ****ed up.
Quote by vintage x metal
I love you =] I can't say I was very fond of you when we first started talking because you trolled the hell out of my threads, but after talking to you here I've grown very attached to you.

Yeah, write to my fanclub about it, honey.
Last edited by Jack Off Jill at Aug 27, 2007,
#25
My cats the same way, except she is permanently banned from my sleeping quarters.
Epiphone Les Paul goldtop (EMG 81/85)
Epiphone Les Paul Custom
Fender Telecaster MIM
Epiphone SG Special
Jay Turser JT200 Serpent (GFS Crunchy Rails/Crunchy Pat)
Dean V-Coustic
Ovation Celebrity
Bugera 333-212
Crate Blue Voodoo 120H
#26
Quote by truespin
My cats the same way, except she is permanently banned from my sleeping quarters.


Did you ever fight with her?
Quote by vintage x metal
I love you =] I can't say I was very fond of you when we first started talking because you trolled the hell out of my threads, but after talking to you here I've grown very attached to you.

Yeah, write to my fanclub about it, honey.
#27
Quote by Jack Off Jill
Did you ever fight with her?

Not in organized manner... I usually pick her up by whatever appendages I can grab and put her aside.
Epiphone Les Paul goldtop (EMG 81/85)
Epiphone Les Paul Custom
Fender Telecaster MIM
Epiphone SG Special
Jay Turser JT200 Serpent (GFS Crunchy Rails/Crunchy Pat)
Dean V-Coustic
Ovation Celebrity
Bugera 333-212
Crate Blue Voodoo 120H
#28
Quote by truespin
My cats the same way, except she is permanently banned from my sleeping quarters.


Lol. Cat got permabanned.

But the pitbull idea is awesome. Wouldn't the spaying of the cat stop its urges?
Private guitar lessons available in West London, UK with an experienced and qualified tutor. Most subjects/styles covered. PM me for more information.
#29
Quote by g1asseye
Lol. Cat got permabanned.

But the pitbull idea is awesome. Wouldn't the spaying of the cat stop its urges?


I don't want my cat getting all fat. ANd besides that, my German Shepherd is spayed and she still acts like a slut.
Quote by vintage x metal
I love you =] I can't say I was very fond of you when we first started talking because you trolled the hell out of my threads, but after talking to you here I've grown very attached to you.

Yeah, write to my fanclub about it, honey.
#30
heyhey, geuss what?
CLOSE YOUR BEDROOM DOOR AFTER YOU THROW THE ****ER OUT.
or throw it out your window, put it in the fridge, or tie it to a tree.
#33
I agree, Jack off Jill has the most ****ed up life.

But horny house pets do get annoying. My friend has a 6 year old sister who won't get off of me whenever I come to their house. It's really annoying because she'll hit me and stuff if make her fall off. I'm really tempted to get a child leash and tie her to a tree.
#34
Quote by jkoehle39
dude just be a man and **** the cat


+1
"Some of these lyrics are pure black metal nonsense."
#35
That was my cats like, its what cats are like "FEED ME! FEED ME!" mine just comes to eat then ****s off again, and tats how it was meant to be
#36
Quote by Jack Off Jill
Sure I do, and actually, I've tried pairing her up with males before, but it never goes anywhere. She's had ample opportunity to get laid by other cats, and she always fights them off. It seems she only wants to sex me.

And all I'm looking for is the pits blessing to fight my cat, and take her to school.


uh i don't think your CAT your ****ing CAT wants to have sex with you

if she does than that's ****ed up and you should get her neutered so your not tempted by your sexy cat lol
#38
Quote by Jack Off Jill
I don't want my cat getting all fat. ANd besides that, my German Shepherd is spayed and she still acts like a slut.


Dude what the **** is wrong with you?

you have a slutty German Shepard?

should you show what time it is to your cat?

should you eat wasps while drunk?

What the FUC!< is going through your head dude

YOUR ****ING AWESOME! lol
#39
Get a banana a satisfy your cat's needs.
Quote by HuckIt
I met this chick I really liked and wanted to practice sex, so I practiced on some guy I met at a gas station...
#40
just **** her and get done with it
Endorsed by Framus Amps


Quote by primusfan
you shoulda lynched that nigger.

*spits in spittoon and feels up his cousin*
Page 1 of 2