#1
(revised version)

Verse:

I am the greyhound that follows the scent.
I am the drunken husband that turns violent.
I am the soldier being screamed at by the moron in command.
I am the agent sneaking into the establishment.

I am the muscle of the elephant ridden with disease.
I am the film the world was never meant to see.
I am the cancer; the napalm burning victims in your skin.
I am the doctor(who)let your family know.. "there's nothing we can do for him."

Chorus:

since you've lost your sense of smell
you don't know we're rotting, you've just forgotten

Verse:

I am the anger picking rage out of your head.
I am frustration, taking roads that led to dead ends.
I am the pavement, leading all the children safely to the school
I am organized religion as I'm evil, I make no sense and I'm cruel.

Chorus:

since you've lost your sense of smell
you don't know we're rotting, you've just forgotten
for everyone before you, and everyone ahead
you've ruined it for us, you've ruined it for them.

Bridge/Coda:

I'm the scientist you've been ignoring.
I'm the suffocation, the fumes you breathe
I'm the cigarette, the ashtray,
I'm the addiction, I'm the blind faith,
I am the lies, I am the fucked.

I'm the air-polluted; greed.
I am all you'll ever need.

[copyright-iamtheagent-2007]


Thanks for the advice, what do you think of these changes?
I know the verses are repetitive but its kind of like the theme.
Last edited by orgasmickey at Aug 31, 2007,
#2
hmmm,more like bad poetry, why did you change i am to i'm? their is a couple of good lines, but you manage to write sh***y ones that sounteract them
#3
Well,

The section after 'lose your sense of smell' is a bridge and the pace of that section is much quicker. If it was poetry it wouldn't matter I would just keep it the same all the way through.
I'm sure its not that big of a deal.

Thanks.
#4
Honestly..I didn't realy like, it was kinda iffy for me, until I got to the thing about organized religion being evil and crule...kinda skrewed it for me.
#5
I thought it was good...i find it a little repetative as there is I am in almost every line..but i shouldint be talking cuz i wrote4 a song with the same line after every verse
#6
It's kinda nice. I like the idea, but the repetition of I am might be a bit too much. I understand it's supposed to be a song? If it is then what resembles the chorus? Cause maybe if you make a chorus which doesn't have the I am repetition but still holds the same atmosphere then this song could become really awesome. Some sentences though don't flow like:

I am the doctor(who)let your family know.. "there's nothing we can do for him."
I am frustration, taking roads that led to dead ends.
I'm the scientist you've ignored until recently.

If you could change those it would really benefit the song.
#7
thanks for the advice. the song is meant to be pretty repetitive to a degree. I think you're right about some of the lines not flowing so I think I'll edit those lines.

but I'm not going to take out the doctor line, its my favourite part.

MBOX2 - PRO TOOLS LE 7.3.1 - CUBASE SX3 - REASON 4
ATTACK_DECAY_SUSTAIN_RELEASE_
#8
When I read this, it made me think of Fight Club.

"I am Jack's bowel cancer."