#1
Souless, drifting,
Nightmares creeping,
Unconnected,
We're rejected!
O Hai der.
Last edited by TheThingKills at Aug 28, 2007,
#2
I like it, great flow, great poem.

and if you dont mind, mines on the 2nd page, "You can't controll me"
#3
i like it. its concise and like the guy above said, it flows. although to me it feels like it could use a couple more lines (maybe in between the 4) to make it flow a bit smoother. maybe a couple more lines or verses could add to it, but for something so concise its pretty good.

as for adding music to it, i think it would be good with something long and drawn out, drone and gloomy with a variety of distorted bass and feedback and faded guitar effects.
#4
Nice work. Short, sweet, and to the point. It flows well, like the posters above me have said. I wish it were a bit longer, though. Good job.

P.S. A link to my song is in my sig, so could you please crit it?
"Notes are expensive. . .use them wisely"-B.B. King

"It's been very important throughout my career that I've met all the guys I've copied, because at each stage they've said, 'Don't play like me, play like you."-Eric Clapton