#1
Crit for crit.


The dark

disturbs me.
I see shadows
dance
with
palpable
realness. They
make no noise
and don’t
wake
me
when
I sleep.

I disturb

the dark.
I make noise
and shine
torches,
the beams
stripping
the dark
apart.

One of these
days, we’ll
cancel
each other
out
and cease
to
exist,
floating toward
another
universe
just out
of

reach.
#2
I liked it apart from "cease to exist".

In fact I wasn't too keen on the whole last stanza and, word. It just seemed like a bump ending to me.

#3
I didn't care for how it is presented, but when I group it together in my head it is quite enjoyable.

I partially dissagree with Jamie... I liked this part

floating toward
another
universe
just out
of

reach.



of the last stanza...
Promises meant a lot back then.
#4
I like this one. It seems very surreal, spacy, I suppose. It could go great in a psychedelic style or as a slow metal tune (just my opinions, of course, do what you like). Very nice.
"Notes are expensive. . .use them wisely"-B.B. King

"It's been very important throughout my career that I've met all the guys I've copied, because at each stage they've said, 'Don't play like me, play like you."-Eric Clapton