#1
Just wrote this....potential gig piece. Nothing too special, just a little Molly Hatchet feel to it. c4c.


Standing room only
Watching old Dickey Betts play
When a stranger walked beside me
Asked about the legend on the stage

I told him all I knew,
And he laughed for a good while
Then he told me something, I couldn't help but smile
He said, "You take the time time to learn that guitar,
and you name it like its your child"

"Don't set it down when times get tough
'Cause that music will change you forever"
"Son, trouble, you'll never find enough,
And all you're ever gonna know
is that guitar and handcuffs."

Well, I've been picking for a few years now,
And like a note, his words ring true
I'm a different man than I was back then
Found myself a dozen different blues
Lord, I found drugs that made me lazy
I found women that made me crazy
And I keep findin' myself locked up in jail

Yes, I know the guitar, and I know handcuffs
Both have opened and closed many doors
I know the guitar, and I know handcuffs
And I don't care to ever learn no more

Now I can't pull myself from the bottle
Just like Waylon and Hank and John
But they must've known something I don't
Cause I found the guitar, and I found the rain
But I'm still looking for that fortune and fame

Now that Les Paul sure did change things
I see things different when its in my hands
Those six strings lead to freedom
And I'm doing the best that I can
My fingers are tough, but I can't learn to love
Living without a woman to call my own

'Cause that guitar's led me miles from my family
I've been running the rails, all alone
Picking up habits and losing my friends
I just write and sing about what I know
I can't help sometimes I'd like it
To be like it was back then

Now I just keep on drinking,
And I can't help but get to thinking
Bout that man, and the words he said
Not sure whether to thank him or curse him
But I keep on playing, and I can't help but feel a little tough
Because all I learned from then to now
Is the guitar, and handcuffs
Last edited by rockinlespaul at Sep 1, 2007,
#2
Nothin' special ??! What are you modest ?
_________________
My Stuff:

- Black Am. Strat
- Gibson Standard SG
- Marshall JVM 410 100W
- Vox V847 Wah Pedal
- Ibanez Tubescreamer
- Roger Mayer Octavia Pedal
- Fender Frontman DSP 65W

That's about it.
#3
I thought u'll prefer this one to be critiqued instead

Quote by rockinlespaul
Just wrote this....potential gig piece. Nothing too special, just a little Molly Hatchet feel to it. c4c.


Standing room only---->feels incompelete change it
Watching old Dickey Betts play
When a stranger walked beside me
Asked about the legend on the stage

Other then that Nice


I told him all I knew,
And he laughed for a good while
Then he told me something, I couldn't help but smile
He said, "You take the time time to learn that guitar,
and you name it like its your child"----->this line is little weak

Nice . I liked how u didn't said what old man said to u . Anyway i guess u meant the same thing that i am thinking. last line's alittle weak like i said



"Don't set it down when times get tough
'Cause that music will change you forever"
"Son, trouble, you'll never find enough,
And all you're ever gonna know
is that guitar and handcuffs."


Doesn't flow that well and has a little bit of awkwardness in it . Just rephrase some lines to make it much better (Flow wise)

Well, I've been picking for a few years now,--->Take out "a" And like a note, his words ring true
I'm a different man than I was back then
(Ideas are gr8 but are not represented efficiently)

Found myself a dozen different blues--->take out "a" ur talking plural

(Played myself ... dozen )
just thought of it

Lord, I found drugs that made me lazy
I found women that made me crazy

I kept women .....

And I keep findin' myself locked up in jail


Yes, I know the guitar, and I know handcuffs
Both have opened and closed many doors
I know the guitar, and I know handcuffs
And I don't care to ever learn no more

Now I can't pull myself from the bottle
Just like Waylon and Hank and John
But they must've known something I don't
Cause I found the guitar, and I found rain
But I'm still looking for that fortune and fame


(best stanza)

Now that Les Paul sure did change things
I see things different when its in my hands
Those six strings lead to freedom----------------->Nice
And I'm doing the best that I can
My fingers are tough, but I can't learn to love
Living without a woman to call my own

'Cause that guitar's led me miles from my family
I've been running the rails, all alone
Picking up habits and losing my friends
I just write and sing about what I know
I can't help sometimes I'd like it
To be like it was back then

Now I just keep on drinking,
And I can't help but get to thinking
Bout that man, and the words he said
Not sure whether to thank him or curse him
But I keep on playing, and I can't help but feel a little tough
Because all I learned from then to now
Is the guitar, and handcuffs


(last stanza's don't flow well)





Overall i agree with u it's a gig material . I liked it alot in terms of story . It was like story of a rockstar . It covered everything from inspiration to everything. Some of the lines are really good. But there are some things which can be made better like flow and even somethings can be spiced up. Just rephrase some of ur lines and make it flow much better and this will do good . Anyway best of luck for future songs.
And keep posting

thnx for the crit by the way .Hope trhis helps

Andy
Hi
#6
That was great man, deffinately gig material. I especially liked the line "those six strings lead to freedom".
#7
that was a really good peice. i'd love to see it performed live.