#1
Tell me what you think tell me possible changes I haven't posted a song in a couple weeks and I'm ready for this one to be rated/crited. This song is sort of a little thing I wrote when I was mad at a friend (girl) that thought I said something I didn't. The first and second verses are both sang very fast. So that's why it's so long I have to have far more lyrics to better able fix the songs tempo!

The Truth of This
by Dustin Daigle 2008

[1st verse]
I’ve already told you
Everything that I know
But for you to believe
Him over me it hurts me so
Tonight this ends with you
I’ve had my fill of all of this
Whatever they say it isn’t true
And if it was shouldn’t I be telling you?
Believe them if you will
I’m tired enough without you
But with the burden of you
Thinking something that isn’t true
It’s even harder to tell
You how mad that makes me
If you hate me well that’s swell
But I don’t know how to make you see

[chorus]
The truth of this is if it were fact
It would be coming from me!
And why would I tell someone else,
if it were for you to see?
I’d tell you in a note or something
But I promise to you now I didn’t
I wouldn’t I couldn’t I shouldn’t
Can’t take the hint they’re about to get...

[2nd verse]
With a heart like yours
It’s too hard to try to break
I know of some who will try
But is it too much for you to take?
I want to protect a friend but
Not for that friend to be something more
I can’t hold a stable relationship
Although that’s the kind of boy you take me for
If you love someone then go
I’m just going to stay right here
I’m not afraid to do anything
It’s not the thing you’d call fear
I want you to live on a non-broken heart
And I don’t want those tears to start!
PSN: RokkstarX
Live: RokkyX

All my original (C4C) material is located here.
Last edited by defiance64 at Sep 2, 2007,
#2
the verse is too long. simplify it to about 4 or 6 lines per verse.
#3
I won't reply too often it's really fast I don't want to break the rules let me edit it...
PSN: RokkstarX
Live: RokkyX

All my original (C4C) material is located here.
#4
The lyrics are good. I enjoy how it is straighforward, but there isn't too much symbolism or anything like that. The whole time reading through them, I was thinking two things; What happened exactly, and how could this be sung.

Obviously the first question is none of my business, but really the curiousity helps keep the attention and helps the listener/reader want to build a better understanding.

I'd like to hear it applied in a song, they are good but their flow was questionable in some parts, and I'd like to hear it be brought to life.

Anyway, very good lyrics, sparked curiousity.

9/10.
#5
It's very straightforward, as stated above. There isn't symbolism, but that isn't always necessary. I like that you kept changing up the rhyming pattern, but you might want to be careful; although it's good, it gets a little awkward at times...