#1
Remember kids, I'm a folk singer.

Er, leave a link/title, and if I remember to check back here I'll do a crit-for-crit. Thanks to anyone in advance.

Waiting On Her Last Train

There's a woman sitting in a railway station,
She's waiting for her train to come a-rolling in,
She's only got a vague idea where she's going
And God alone knows where she's been,
Still she's waiting in that station for her train.

Most nights a shop doorway is her bed,
And she spends most of her days out of her head,
She spends her travelling from town to town,
Can't say which way is up and which way is down,
And she's waiting in that station for her train.

She's a hobo woman and she never stops to think,
She tells the day by the bottle from which she'll drink,
And she's waiting for a saviour to rise from the street,
A hero bum to sweep her off of her feet,
But she's waiting in that station for her train.

She ain't got no money but just like the millionaires,
She'll drink and snort to take away her cares,
She's still waiting on someone to rescue her,
Or on something to pull her out of the gutter,
She's waiting in the station for her train.

This story ends here I think you'll find,
She got into a single-carriage train and left her life behind,
She was the only person getting on,
She was the only one inside,
And the porter said "Honey, welcome aboard your final ride."
#2
Hi SED. I'm not that good with songs, but I'll give this a shot, 'cuz it's you.

It's simple and unpretentious. That's not a bad thing. As a poem goes, the repetition would kill it, but as a folk song, repetition probably helps it greatly.
It seems odd that she'd wait in a station, being a hobo lady. But the song is kinda based on that. It's a good image, but when I think about it, I more expect her to be near the station somewhere waiting to sneak aboard. I imagine most won't be thinking too deeply about things like that when they hear it.

A couple of other things seemed just a bit off:


There's a woman sitting in a railway station,
She's waiting for her train to come a-rolling in,
She's only got a vague idea where she's going
And God alone knows where she's been,
Still she's waiting in that station for her train.

Most nights a shop doorway is her bed,
And she spends most of her days out of her head,
She spends her travelling from town to town, < her [omitted word] travelling?
Can't say which way is up and which way is down,
And she's waiting in that station for her train.

She's a hobo woman and she never stops to think,
She tells the day by the bottle from which she'll drink, < I like this very much.
And she's waiting for a saviour to rise from the street,
A hero bum to sweep her off of her feet,
But she's waiting in that station for her train.

She ain't got no money but just like the millionaires,
She'll drink and snort to take away her cares,
She's still waiting on someone to rescue her,
Or on something to pull her out of the gutter, <not sure how I feel about this
She's waiting in the station for her train.

This story ends here I think you'll find, < didn't like this much.
She got into a single-carriage train and left her life behind,
She was the only person getting on,
She was the only one inside,
And the porter said "Honey, welcome aboard your final ride."


Sorry I couldn't help much. I don't have anything that needs a crit or comment so just leave a comment or two on someone else's that hasn't seen any attention.

I'm sure somebody will come along and be able to do a proper job for you.

Cheers,
SYK
Meadows
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#3
There's a woman sitting in a railway station,
She's waiting for her train to come a-rolling in,
She's only got a vague idea where she's going
And God alone knows where she's been,
Still she's waiting in that station for her train.
I'd take the "She's" Out of L2. I just like it more without. I like the style, kinda like mine a bit, which is cool. Nothing amazing, but you know, that's not what blues and folk is about. Just tell the story, which you're doing. Great start.
Most nights a shop doorway is her bed,
And she spends most of her days out of her head,
She spends her travelling from town to town,
Can't say which way is up and which way is down,
And she's waiting in that station for her train.
I'd replace "she spends her" with "Just" You told me what I already knew when I read this, I've seen something like it in a lot of songs. Then again, there's alot of people out there, so if it means something it isn't overused. Good verse..I'm waiting for something special to spark my interest though.

She's a hobo woman and she never stops to think,
She tells the day by the bottle from which she'll drink,
And she's waiting for a saviour to rise from the street,
A hero bum to sweep her off of her feet,
But she's waiting in that station for her train.
I love L2, really something new, impressed me. L3,L4 seem kinda corny...meh. I'm still waiting.

She ain't got no money but just like the millionaires,
She'll drink and snort to take away her cares,
She's still waiting on someone to rescue her,
Or on something to pull her out of the gutter,
She's waiting in the station for her train.

Here's the drugs..yep. Nice comparison. I see where this is going. Alright. Its getting there, I'll save judgement until then. I don't like the her/gutter rhyme. The difference in syllables might be the thing. It might work depending on how its sung.

This story ends here I think you'll find,
She got into a single-carriage train and left her life behind,
She was the only person getting on,
She was the only one inside,
And the porter said "Honey, welcome aboard your final ride."

You salvaged it. I like it...but would a hobo get a hearst? Just food for thought. I like the piece overall...I was getting turned off as it went on, but you pulled it back together at the end. Nice piece overall, I think that you could've added a little more to the middle, I think they just got too parrallel to each other....one didn't stand out from the next. Good piece overall, I'd like to hear a recording of it. Could you crit "I Don't Love You Anymore"?