#1
This, like 90% of my songs, is just the compilation of strange thoughts over a week or two. Crit for crit, just leave a link.

If you want to know the significance of anything in here, feel free to ask.

Prince Vladimir

I need to get my hands on some turpentine
She said, it’s really expensive
And I was hooked right from the start
She was wearing a brightly colored jacket.

It was sixty degrees outside in August
Our ice cream melted ever so slowly
I’ve been told to not make impressions
More and more my intrigue was growing

I was asked the question, what is worth dying for
I’ll make this a zombie language
I was asked the question, what can we really know
Why don’t you express your opinion

I’ve got a practical sense of what’s wonderful
Just feed me to the masses
It’s hard to have good posture while sitting on a pole
I’m a cursed optimist

I was asked the question, what is worth dying for
I’ll make this a zombie language
I was asked the question, what can we really know
Why don’t you express your opinion
#2
need to get my hands on some turpentine
She said, it’s really expensive
And I was hooked right from the start
She was wearing a brightly colored jacket.
i really like the first line, but then i'm not really sure what relevance the rest of the images have to each other maybe clean that up a bit. also, is the third line still part of what "she" said? the last line doesn't seem to flow too well, and also "brightly coloured jacket" is very boring

It was sixty degrees outside in August
Our ice cream melted ever so slowly
I’ve been told to not make impressions
More and more my intrigue was growing
i like the image of the first two lines - ice cream just because it's august, although it's only 60 out, nice. the last two lines work together nicely and flow well but im not really sure what its alluding to - impressions of what? intrigue about what?

I was asked the question, what is worth dying for
I’ll make this a zombie language
I was asked the question, what can we really know
Why don’t you express your opinion
this has a nice rhythm and flow to it. like the zombie language idea.

I’ve got a practical sense of what’s wonderful
Just feed me to the masses
It’s hard to have good posture while sitting on a pole
I’m a cursed optimist
the thing about this verse is - all 4 lines are great on their own, but don't, imo, really mesh together well, you get a series of nice images and ideas that flow well, but seem to have little if any relevance to each other. though looking at the whole piece perhaps this patchwork feel is what you are going for?

I was asked the question, what is worth dying for
I’ll make this a zombie language
I was asked the question, what can we really know
Why don’t you express your opinion

all in all, some good stuff, but needs a bit of tuning
good potential though

crit mine? - https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=663174
#3
That's turned into my songwriting style. it all makes perfect sense to me, on completely unrelated subjects per line, or even for two lines.

The chorus is made up of thoughts i had from teachers. One said that Latin was not dead. Zombie Language? I was asked what is worth dying for in Theatre class, i was asked what can we know in History. The fourth verse is summed up by the last line, which is a parody of something a teacher said. I was questioning my inability to have a real relationship and all these thoughts occurred when i was on some sort of date. For the fourth stanza anyway.

So it all makes sense to me, i guess it's up to the reader to decipher meaning.
#4
From the title I thought this was going to be a metal song about Dracula. (Which i guess would've been cool, but nevertheless I'm gald it's not). Anyways, on to the crit. I really liked the opening line (Turpentine really is a pretty word). However I think the second line could use some rewording. Maybe something like "So spent me last dime on some." Also I would drop the "some" more the opening line. Also the last line of the first verse, just seems too random. I understand that it has meaning to you, but from my point of view it just seems tacked on. I suggest you rephrase it to make it fit better. In the second verse I think you need to find a way to realte the first two lines with the last two. I think you shoudl use the last two lines as the first two and use the ice cream line as the foruth one. Maybe have a line about his heart melting as the third line. I liked the chorus overall and I have no suggestions for that. The thjird verse was great as well especially the "sitting on a pole" line. Anyways, my biggest gripe with this piece as tyhat it seems too random at times. Nevertheless, nice job and I'm looking forward to reading more from you.

Crit mine please
Paper Shrines In Closet Museums