#1
New song lyrics from my end, I'm really glad of how does this came out. Please step4step crit and if you leave a link I'll be on your piece soon enough


Calcify


VERSE 1

Undeliberate signs of riant
I'm living out of my can, I'm in the chair of god
looking over

Next I see with my blind eyes
that the following part is gonna cover all of me
confiscating my eyes entirely

But confiscate is not in my time line
but whats to say, I never asked to shine

Supposed to be alright (but sometimes I think)
This world is not mine


CHORUS

There's not much wrong with no regrets
but no distress or scathe is making me calcify
and I am e'er against that


VERSE 2

Stuck on the green spot of my time beam
Nails appart is the worst thing, I want my dream
I want the scheme
Changing my theme

If your looking for me, I'm where the blast is
Can I evaporate, inside of my own kiss
confiscating my eyes entirely

But confiscate is not in my time line
but whats to say, I never asked to shine


CHORUS

There's not much wrong with no regrets
but no distress or scathe is making me calcify
and I am e'er against that


BRIDGE

Weather changes the sun will fade again
Then comes the storm and I will fade again

I don't wanna be there

I don't wanna be there when the boy cries wolf
Stoppin' all the bitchin' when the boy cried wolf


CHORUS

There's not much wrong with no regrets
but no distress or scathe is making me calcify
and I am e'er against that

I'm calcified

and I am e'er against that
#2
These are pretty good. I like the symbolism connecting with the poetry. And the many different meanings in the song. Awesome dude.
#4
hey there. sorry i took a while to do this. forgive me if my crit is poor.

Quote by Dark-Link

VERSE 1

Undeliberate signs of riant <--Undeliberate is actually supposed to be indeliberate, as far as i know.
I'm living out of my can, I'm in the chair of god
looking over

Next I see with my blind eyes
that the following part is gonna cover all of me
confiscating my eyes entirely

But confiscate is not in my time line
but whats to say, I never asked to shine <-- starting both lines with "but" doesnt sound as good as it probably could.

Supposed to be alright (but sometimes I think)
This world is not mine


CHORUS

There's not much wrong with no regrets
but no distress or scathe is making me calcify
and I am e'er against that


VERSE 2

Stuck on the green spot of my time beam
Nails appart is the worst thing, I want my dream <--- the flow starts to change here and i feel like the 2nd bit in this line should be separated with the next two, with maybe something added after the first bit to keep this line in tact with the first line while leading into the the other 3.
I want the scheme
Changing my theme

If your looking for me, I'm where the blast is
Can I evaporate, inside of my own kiss
confiscating my eyes entirely

But confiscate is not in my time line
but whats to say, I never asked to shine


CHORUS

There's not much wrong with no regrets
but no distress or scathe is making me calcify
and I am e'er against that


BRIDGE

Weather changes the sun will fade again <-- the weather changes to something dark but it seems like much of the sun never came out at any point in your writing up to here. maybe you should add in another verse or something before this to give a strong sign of the sun being out. although another way i see it is, that is what you did in the beginning, being out of your can and in the chair of god before being completely covered by the "following part". if so then ignore my comment here.
Then comes the storm and I will fade again <--it already seemed like you were faded through the whole thing. so unless you did it in the beginning, you could add more to show a spectrum of light and mood.

I don't wanna be there

I don't wanna be there when the boy cries wolf
Stoppin' all the bitchin' when the boy cried wolf


CHORUS

There's not much wrong with no regrets
but no distress or scathe is making me calcify
and I am e'er against that
I'm calcified

and I am e'er against that <-- maybe you could put in another verse that gives more concrete signs that you mean this line.


i dont really like doing crit on others work because they write it they way they want and i cant be positive that im reading into it properly especially since i havent done this often. but if it helped at all then thats good. and thanks for doing mine.