#1
sometimes i think the songs i sing are only words
to bring you down to see these fleeting dreams i hold,
the only moments that are truly golden, we’re bent
and broken from these meaningless seasons, it’s the
reason i’m feeling so old, the summer has been so cold…

but still, love is meant to grow, to sow it’s seeds
in the years we know we’ll spend alone and we hope
they take hold, roots deep in the soil, in the soul

we need this so much,
to touch and be touched
#2
maybe call it to touch and be touched? i think it would be a good title and it would sound good at the end like that. just my opinion though. good piece.
#3
sometimes i think the songs i sing are only words
excellent line
to bring you down to see these fleeting dreams i hold,
not sure this line is great - bring you down seems negative, while the following bits, fleeting dreams and golden moments, have positive connotations. like the idea of this opening though
the only moments that are truly golden, we’re bent
and broken from these meaningless seasons, it’s the
reason i’m feeling so old, the summer has been so cold…
really like this - very nice

but still, love is meant to grow, to sow it’s seeds
nice idea but i get the feeling it would make slightly more sense the other way round. chronologically, i mean. seeds are sown before things grow.
in the years we know we’ll spend alone and we hope
they take hold, roots deep in the soil, in the soul
nice

we need this so much,
to touch and be touched
feels a bit abrupt, this ending. perhaps you need to extend it a bit. also, the rhyme seems a touch forced. watch out.

overall a nice piece - quite bright eyes-like.
as for a title, maybe something like "taking root in dreams". thats *hi* but im tired lol.

would be great if you could crit mine?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=664372
cheers
#9
oh oh, haha. i forgot about it. i haven't competed/posted a piece in quite some time.