#1
I

Hey there Mr. Moonshine,
I know I love your wine.
So send me your fermented grapes,
And let me have a taste.
We know it’s all over now
Your night sky is filled with clouds
Hey there, Mr. Moonshine,
Take me away from time.

II

I would kiss it on the lips
If I could peel them from the sand.
If I had one more regret
I would crumple where I stand.
As the clouds weep upon me,
Their tears seeping into my head,
I am screaming for the sea;
Am I dying or am I dead?
I would drape it on my shoulder
If I could tear it from his eyes.
And the pallid light grows older,
Into the blazing eye I despise.
For my addictions I have no sorrow,
If I could be them instead of me
I would leave this body tomorrow
Just to drown in the narcotic sea.
#2
"I know I love your wine."
-I think you want to go for: 'YOU know I love your wine' (Or were you going for the word whine? Either way this line doesn't make much sence to me)

"Their tears seeping into my head,"
-'Seeping' and 'into' is a bit contradictory isn't it?

I must say that 'Pt 2' is really really nice
Not much help, but if your bored: Calcify
#3
Thanks, but...
A) I don't know what you think seeping means...but you should probably check the dictionary.
B) I definitely was going for "I know", it's a sort of acceptance type thing. It also makes sense...
C)Pt 2 was written in about 5 minutes while I was playing guitar....and thank you.

I will try to comment on yours, even if I just end up bumping it.