#1
Apologies for slipping up on the rules earlier

same as last time, lyrics for a metal song, the general topic is the distancing between 2 people that might follow an argument, breakup or fallout, and about how the person you once trusted could turn round n stab you in the back (the lyrics arent drawn from recent personal experience by the way)


I know this time is screaming ever faster to a close
And we’re the only ones to see
How blank reflections breed seperation
Digging empty lines of graves for this divide that we create

I’ll lay me down and let my angel spread illusions in my wake
I’ll lay me down and sleep the days away

This lesson learnt
When you scream yourself to sleep
And when you cry yourself awake
Haunting me with every breath you take
I’ll feel the fires rise inside and burn a path through our divide

I’ll lay me down and watch my demons carve regret into my eyes
I’ll lay me down and never rise
I'll lay me down, I'll take us down.
#2
Quote by pete07
Apologies for slipping up on the rules earlier

same as last time, lyrics for a metal song, the general topic is the distancing between 2 people that might follow an argument, breakup or fallout, and about how the person you once trusted could turn round n stab you in the back (the lyrics arent drawn from recent personal experience by the way)


I know this time is screaming ever faster to a close Screaming to a clsoe? i don't really understand this, could you use a different word perhaps?
And we’re the only ones to see
How blank reflections breed seperation Awsome
Digging empty lines of graves for this divide that we create I don't really like this line. it seems like its only there so you can have graves in your song, i dont really get what it represents.. This could do with a rethink, maybe have a similar structure to the last lien int he second verse, jsut change the image, it hink that would be msuch stronger and bring the vers einto the chorus much better as it is similar in both verses.

I’ll lay me down and let my angel spread illusions in my wake I'll lay me down? is that what you meant? if it is surely the me is unneeded? rest of the line is good though..
I’ll lay me down and sleep the days away Same as above

This lesson learnt
When you scream yourself to sleep
And when you cry yourself awake
Haunting me with every breath you take
I’ll feel the fires rise inside and burn a path through our divide
What an excellent stanza. Love the last line!!

I’ll lay me down and watch my demons carve regret into my eyes
I’ll lay me down and never rise
I'll lay me down, I'll take us down.

Again i dont get the "I'll lay me down" bit, but the rest of the liens are great, especially the first one


Fix the little bits in this song and maybe add a bridge and 3rd verse and you'll have a solid song here.

If you have time you could take a look at mine:
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=665216
Quote by the bartender
^ this man knows his stuff.