#1
sorry about the gramma but please crit, and heltp it my second lyric..


Black and beautiful
Like a beautiful pearl
Making me wonder

I saw the beauty in the green,
So natural and clean
It makes me dream

Gray shades between the white and green,
Mysterious but seen,
Gray shades marked my dreams,

White like snow
But warm like the sun
In the summer noon

Colours I saw,
The day I woke up
From sorrow, to happiness

Colours that gave me hope
Now forever I will dream
Of you and your eyes
#2
Quote by the_drow

Black and beautiful
Like a beautiful pearl the second beautiful in one stanza, try to find another word
Making me wonder

I saw the beauty in the green, again beauty
So natural and clean
It makes me dream
I don't like the rhyming here, seems a bit forced

Gray shades between the white and green,
Mysterious but seen,
Gray shades marked my dreams,

White like snow
But warm like the sun
In the summer noon

Colours I saw,
The day I woke up
From sorrow, to happinessthat doesn't fit to the two lines before

Colours that gave me hope
Now forever I will dream
Of you and your eyes


hmm, actually I don't really like that one (just my opinion). I don't really know what exactly you're talking about, everything is a bit vague. try to express your feelings a bit deeper and make it more personal and try to structure it a bit better, because here you have six stanzas which are each totally different (rhyming and stuff like that). and that ruins the flow imo.
okay, I hope that will help you a bit to improve your lyric, because the idea is good!

would be nice if you crit mine (link is in the signature) thx