#1
27 floors below. the explanation is after the song

He sits in a seat
Looks at the New York City Streets
27 floors below

He doesn't know why
He is made to cry
Of his life's misery and woe

And he screams and he yells
Crying "Go to hell!"
With matches and lighters
He brings fire fighters
And then says hello
To the street 27 floors below

As he is falling
He hears a calling
The calling up from God

"You weren't meant to die
You weren't meant to cry"
and he acknowledges this with a nod

But he screams and he yells
Crying "Go to hell!"
With matches and lighters
He brought fire fighters
And then said hello
To the street 27 floors below

Maybe he'll join his wife
And his daughter, resume his life
All the way up in Heaven

But then there is Hell
And there's no way to tell
If he'll see his dead daughter at age 11

He screamed and he yelled
Cried "Go to hell"
With matches and lighters
He brought fire fighters
And then said hello
To the street 27 floors below

He screams and he yells
Crying "Go to hell"
With matches and lighters
He brought fire fighters
And then said hello
To the street 27 floors below


Okay thats it. its sort of a departure from what i usually wright, but it's a thing that happens to too many people, and i had to right about. I case you're wondering, his wife and daughter died, and his life turned into a jobless one living in an apartment off retirment money and age 33, and he hated it. His daughter died 1 year before this and she was ten. i added that line because nothing else rhymed.

Feedback please
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#2
yer, its good...in places. Some of the rhymes are abit weak and some of the it is slightly cliche.

"You weren't meant to die
You weren't meant to cry"
and he acknowledges this with a nod' <- This seems only used because it rhymes with God

for me on the whole i like it, but parts need tweaking slightly. I like the opening few lines and it has alot of potential
#3
Maybe a tad more orignality, but I like it. I can actually see the message behind, without it being totally thrown in my face. Good.