#1
Hi. Its been a while. Tell me what you think?


instinct, extinct


We've started out right.
A decade under time
via synthetic collapsables.
Fully automated,
feathered and loaded.
Projected off the vessel,
now harbored ashore.

The neverending pulse
of a world during prime,
An ebb and flow
of chemicals and reactions.
Journeys to the fountain of eternity...
This could last us a life...
The search for the answer
in exchange of your time.
#2
Nice little piece Blake.

Has a really nice tone to it that fits the ending perfectly.

More later.
#3
Quote by BluePaintCult
Hi. Its been a while. Tell me what you think?


instinct, extinct


We've started out right.
A decade under time
via synthetic collapsables.
Fully automated,
feathered and loaded.
Projected off the vessel,
now harbored ashore.
Too many -ed words here, for me. there's like, five in twelve words. I feel sometimes if a writer uses too many of those or -ly adverbs it seems like they don't have the vocab and imagination to be more original. I knnow you do, so I suggest maybe a re-think on this.

The neverending pulse
Two words, I think.
of a world during prime,
Eh, I feel that this line is worded a bit awkwardly. I'd really like this idea to be shown more satirically but idk if that fits in with your intended meaning.
An ebb and flow
of chemicals and reactions.
Journeys to the fountain of eternity...
This could last us a life...
Not too sure on the structure here. (the ... I mean). I guess it works, but those lines just feel too unoriginal for me.
The search for the answer
in exchange of your time.
Surely "for your time" makes more sense/flows better? Idk just my opinion.

this was a solid little piece, which I think would benefit from some internal rhyming to get a flow and rhythm going. I thin kit's a piece that's crying out for it.


Got a little summin' in my sig if you wish. Many thanks