#1
Here you go guys, pretty much says what it means. Crit for crit welcome.


Crawling

I just thought I’d let you know
Before you let me go,
I thought together we’d see this through
Maybe it’s not mean to be
But I don’t think he’s another me
When he leaves, I won’t be here for you

And you’ll come crawling
Just like you always do
But this time I’m not as weak
This time it’ll be you
You’ll be down on hands and knees
You can beg and you can plead
But baby, I’ll already have somebody new

Just how did it get like this
You said it was only a kiss
But I can see much more then you let on
I hope you know how much you mean
Perhaps though, in a passing dream
You’ll realize what you had, and what is gone

And you’ll come crawling
Just like you always do
But this time I’m not as weak
This time it’ll be you
You’ll be down on hands and knees
You can beg and you can plead
But baby, I’ll already have somebody new

But I don’t want this to happen
I want to tear this page apart
I want to forget this all, begin again
Go right back to the start
But you say it’s not that easy to
Decipher what’s In your head
But I know better, I just think
You don’t want to tell me instead

And you’ll come crawling
Just like you always do
But this time I’m not as weak
This time it’ll be you
You’ll be down on hands and knees
You can beg and you can plead
But baby, I’ll already have somebody new

Please
Make this change…
Last edited by johnmalkin at Sep 6, 2007,
#2
I can so relate that to myself!!
Just after my recent breakup and see her go away with this other dude. He can't be me, i know it, she knows it. She might come back crawling one day but this time i won't be there for her!

The song has a good sense of clarity of meaning to it. I think many people can easily relate the song to themselves just like i can to me!

Well, its another break up song... It says what it does. Its quite well written for people to easily engage in it and relate to it.
The meaning is clear and simple.

Though the last part of it brings it all back to square one.
Asking her to make it change. Shows you're moving on but you don't like this and you don't wanna move on. Still wish things would get back to the way they were. Bringing all the effort you put in the song go waste and come back to square one still wanting her. Showing you're still weak inside and just pretending to be strong.

If thats the way you wanted to end it, its not a bad way to end it. I guess this song is quite personal to you too.

But i'ld personally like it to end on a more stronger note. Something that says you're gone.

Well, thats just my insight and preference to your song!
Its an overwritten topic...
But still its a good song!
Easily comprehensible and sounds fine over all!
#3
I like the first two lines in the chorus the best. Sometimes when I read lyrics it's hard to put them to music but those two lines I could right away.
#5
I think it is a good start, but it is so straitforward that it is a bit cliched. I mean, you are saying exactly what you mean, but maybe try to use a little more creativity to wrap this in. I would just go through this whole thing and try to see if there is anywhere that you could revise creatively. I do like the interesting rhyme scheme durring the verses, its always refreshing to see seldom used rhyme schemes. So good work on that. The line "Just how did it get like this+You said it was only a kiss" reminds me a bit too much of the line from "Mr. Brightside" by The Killers ("It started out with a kiss+How did it end up like this?"). I know that it was unintential, however, because both lines are different. My mine criticism of this piece is to revise it and see if you can rewrite some of it to make it seem less overdone. Keep up the good writing. Love Wins.

If you don't mind, you can tear apart an old piece of mine: https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=667250
#6
WOW i dont have time to read all that!!! but i did. and it all sounds really good but it is very, very long, too long to be one song.
Birdie Birdie in the sky, why'd you do that in my eye? Looks like Sugar, Tastes like sap.....OMG ITS BIRDIE CRAP!
#7
long but very good somtimes breakup themed songs/poetry can be over written or just so blah! that its hard to be able to relate to it, or to be engaged by it at all but yours i liked alot as soon as i started to read it i knew i liked it. keep writing good stuff.
#8
I'm not a fan of this topic of writing, that breakup song, but this one seems to work. I really like the chorus, it just seems to be the seed of the whole song, and you could put it to music immediately. Great job, dude.