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#1
. Ok so for the record im not homophobic at all, i really dont mind gay guys as long as theyre acting like normal guys with me, i have like 2 gay friends (yes just 2) and they seem fine when theyre with me. What they do in their love life is outta my concern, as long as they dont tell me im fine with it.

Our band consists of me, another guitarist,drummer and THE bassist. The him being gay thing started off as an inside joke between me and the drummer where we had these conspiracies, it was all just for fun till we checked out his profile on a website and, well,,, we have reason to believe he really IS gay. Well i dont care really but the drummer is really homophobic and hates gay guys to death(yeah abz, you). The other guitarist has no clue and we dont know what he thinks of homosexuality. So the thing with me is, i cant let it go. Its very easy for you to say that its his own bussiness let it go , right? I wouldve said the same, but think about it, one of your friends might be gay. I dont care if he is or not i just care to know if he is. I just need closure.

So Two things:

First of all, anyone got any ideas on how to find out if he really is, im a friend afterall and i feel the need to know, to say that things wont be different if he is or isnt is like saying racism doesnt exist which is pure ignorance. maybe i wont swing my penis in jams anymore

Second of all, What do i do if he is? I mean the community here is not tolerant at all, especially for a metalhead. Im not sure about the other guitarist but i dont think the drummer will be fine with all this. I mean we love the guy but i dunno how the drummer will tolerate this. Ps: dont say something llike leave the drummer, because if anyone is least important to the band its the bassist, which makes this case as bad as it is.


And for the people who say its none of your businness, i just thought about it. It wouldnt be if hes just a sessionist maybe, just some random guy. But for christ sake this guy is one of us, we hang out with him, the guys i wouldnt mind sticking out my genitals for just to do a joke. And like i said , things will be different, not necassarily for the worse.


Ok FLAME AWAY
Quote by greendayguitar
. My drmmer is always like "Man, write something crazy that goes like REEEEE REE REE RE RE RE REEEEEEEEE DOLOWOLOLDOLDOWLWOWJRFDSJKAGLDSAGJKDSAHFJKDSAHGFJDSAHGL... You know?"


torrentleech invite please
#3
Make a move on him and see how he responds.
Haha.
Our hearts are with Nick Grundy.
Quote by Ez0ph
I think AvengedThrice is pretty cool guy, eh raeps kittens to death and doesn't afraid of anything.

He knows me well..
#4
Your drummer has to learn to deal. You've been fine with the guy before you found out, you should be fine with him after.
#5
What a dilemma.

I'd seriously ask people who know him, and you can trust.
According to BS statistics, 92% of teens have moved on to rap. If you're among the 8% who doesn't consider rap to be real music, donate your brains, as you clearly aren't using them.
#6
talk about your ex girlfriend and strike up a convo about your band mates ex girlfriends if and be all like "what about you (bassest name here), who was your worst girlfriend?" or something to that effect lol idk i dunno if he is because he likes metal and its not really a gay kinda music... maybe he's just really in touch with his feminine side idk
#8
Don't try to find out. If he wanted to come out, he would.

If he is gay and is choosing not to tell anyone, I would say he has good reason judging by your post. Leave him alone.
#9
Quote by Z_A_X
talk about your ex girlfriend and strike up a convo about your band mates ex girlfriends if and be all like "what about you (bassest name here), who was your worst girlfriend?" or something to that effect lol idk i dunno if he is because he likes metal and its not really a gay kinda music... maybe he's just really in touch with his feminine side idk


Don't do that, it will embarass him. Go ahead and ask him, but not in front of the drummer.

If the drummer has been able to hang-out with him this far he should be able to hang out with him for longer.
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It's just The Man trying to bring down us negroes.

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Just go out in a silk dressing gown and ask them if they've ever been penetrated
#10
Because we all know it's YOUR right to know if he's gay because it's gonna infringe on your right to whip your genitals out for all the other guys...

If he's one of you guys nothing should change. The thing you're not realizing is that he didn't JUST become gay (if he is) he always has been, so really NOTHING IS DIFFERENT! He's always been gay (if he is), so just relax and don't pry. Until you whip your genitals out and he slobs on your knob like it's corn on the cob, I say relax. Don't be so nosey.

And how is metal so resistant to being gay? Rob Halford? All the leather and tight pants (basically the style of dress brought to metal by a gay man?
Demolition hands.... Got 'em!
#11
whats the problem, if ur worried about him liking you too much its just like having an ugly girl in the band.

as far as finding out, id just ask him, some of the stupidest moments in history came from people thinking or believing things that aren't true. bite the bullet and ask point blank, are u gay dude?

and as far as the metal heads hating gays, well they wont al hate them, and just because he is doesn't mean u have to advertise on every poster that ur band has a gay guy in it. if they find out and have a problem then at worst u get the **** kicked out of you. but then, when ur in a band, i thought the entire idea was sticking by them till the bitter end. if one of my mates got started on by an entire mosh pit id be in there for better of for worse.

ntw i love this entire idea of - hes gay hes going to wanna put his **** in my ass. im not gay but i really dont see why he'd wanna make a move on you if he never has before
Last edited by CobenBlack at Sep 6, 2007,
#13
yeah i figured you guys are gonna be like "you guys will always be the same",,"guys forever" and **** like "dont pry". Its not about prying. Someone said its like having a really ugly girl in the bad, sure thats actually a very good comparison but then the whole "guys hanging out thing" changes. And for the record im not saying for the worse, or better but you say that things will be the same. I mean if you're going to tell me that if we're watching terminator and he gets a boner and that wouldnt be an awkward situation that means you're a fuken liar. Yeah i had to go there with my immature answer. Im just proving a point though.
Quote by greendayguitar
. My drmmer is always like "Man, write something crazy that goes like REEEEE REE REE RE RE RE REEEEEEEEE DOLOWOLOLDOLDOWLWOWJRFDSJKAGLDSAGJKDSAHFJKDSAHGFJDSAHGL... You know?"


torrentleech invite please
#14
Quote by sargasm
Don't try to find out. If he wanted to come out, he would.

If he is gay and is choosing not to tell anyone, I would say he has good reason judging by your post. Leave him alone.
Smartest post.

Act like nothings different, and if he's gay he'll come out when he's ready.

DON'T KICK HIM OUT FOR BEING GAY
*-)
Quote by Bob_Sacamano
i kinda wish we all had a penis and vagina instead of buttholes

i mean no offense to buttholes and poop or anything

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#15
Well, being the token bi-guy on the thread I'll throw in my two cents. My band mates know that I dig dudes, they also know that I do not like them in any thing close to a sexual manner. If you are his friend as you claim you are, then it shouldn't matter. He is still a guy. He'll still like action movies and beer, all his being gay will mean is that you watch different porn. If your drummer has a huge problem with it then I would say he has to go, I wouldn't want those kinds of negative feelings being thrown about in my band, but that is up to you. All I am saying is respect your friend for who he is, and yes he has been gay this whole time, thus the guy you know is still the guy you know.
Eyes
Quote by woodenbandman
My dear man, I must petition you for photographic evidence, or the described events cannot be verified, and will be written off as fallacy.
#17
Quote by Marwanbaki
yeah i figured you guys are gonna be like "you guys will always be the same",,"guys forever" and **** like "dont pry". Its not about prying. Someone said its like having a really ugly girl in the bad, sure thats actually a very good comparison but then the whole "guys hanging out thing" changes. And for the record im not saying for the worse, or better but you say that things will be the same. I mean if you're going to tell me that if we're watching terminator and he gets a boner and that wouldnt be an awkward situation that means you're a fuken liar. Yeah i had to go there with my immature answer. Im just proving a point though.


Yeah, you're right

And one more thing: DON'T ASK HIM IF HE'S GAY!!! What if he answers no? It will be like the greatest insult a man can take.
Quote by A Certain Death
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#18
Quote by x Misanthropy x
i remember in my band we had a gay bassist...he got fired the day after.


That's not cool. How do being gay affect your abilty to play bass.
*-)
Quote by Bob_Sacamano
i kinda wish we all had a penis and vagina instead of buttholes

i mean no offense to buttholes and poop or anything

Rest in Peace, Troy Davis and Trayvon Martin and Jordan Davis and Eric Garner and Mike Brown
#19
It affects the relationship between the players and therefore it affects the music they're creating. The technique of the bassist has not much to do with it.
Quote by A Certain Death
my mum is a retard
#20
hmm after i made the post i started regretting posting about this, but after i had replied i got some good replies. Yeah so i dunno guys ,thanks for the support,, . i still have no clue about whats going on, ill let you guys know what happens i guess.
Quote by greendayguitar
. My drmmer is always like "Man, write something crazy that goes like REEEEE REE REE RE RE RE REEEEEEEEE DOLOWOLOLDOLDOWLWOWJRFDSJKAGLDSAGJKDSAHFJKDSAHGFJDSAHGL... You know?"


torrentleech invite please
#21
Quote by Hultan
It affects the relationship between the players and therefore it affects the music they're creating. The technique of the bassist has not much to do with it.

If you're so immature that you can't deal with the fact that there are gay people in the world, then I feel sorry for you. It's not like he's going to make out with guys at practice.

I definitely wouldn't care if any member of my band was gay.
*-)
Quote by Bob_Sacamano
i kinda wish we all had a penis and vagina instead of buttholes

i mean no offense to buttholes and poop or anything

Rest in Peace, Troy Davis and Trayvon Martin and Jordan Davis and Eric Garner and Mike Brown
#22
I totally agree with all the people who are tolerant on this site. Unless he starts acting different (to a point where he can no longer "lock in" with the rest of the band), there's no need to do anything about it. And if he wanted you to know he was gay, he would tell you, so there is no need to ask.
Mr. Allan wrote:
This is like saying you're not allowed to jerk off over the girl next door unless you have a license and written permission from her. Which, of course, is bullsh*t
#23
I love the way there's actually a thread for this. I love Americans. So scared of sex.
#24
Man, it was so much easier when everyone was straight...
"The end result - the music - is all that counts"
#25
Quote by felixdcat
Man, it was so much easier when everyone was straight...


It would be easier if nobody was ignorant.

On a related note, when was everyone straight?
#26
Quote by Marwanbaki
yeah i figured you guys are gonna be like "you guys will always be the same",,"guys forever" and **** like "dont pry". Its not about prying. Someone said its like having a really ugly girl in the bad, sure thats actually a very good comparison but then the whole "guys hanging out thing" changes. And for the record im not saying for the worse, or better but you say that things will be the same. I mean if you're going to tell me that if we're watching terminator and he gets a boner and that wouldnt be an awkward situation that means you're a fuken liar. Yeah i had to go there with my immature answer. Im just proving a point though.


just because someone is gay doesn't mean they dig every guy ever.... its just like straight people, just cause a guy sees some chick doesn't mean you think single one of them is good looking/hot or whatever. one of my best guy friends, i found out a year ago, is gay (i'm a girl, i've been friends with him since middle school and i'm finished with high school.) - it never changed the way anyone treats him, and he lives in an all guys dorm! one of his other best friends is a guy; its not like he tries to make moves on him or ridiculous things like that, and they have remained great friends.

it should not mess up your band or your relationship with your friend. guys hanging out is still guys hanging out - you hung out with him before, why would hanging out with him be different now? because hes GAY? oh yeah, hes totally not the same person personality wise that you knew before. things will be the same unless YOU or your drummer decide to make it difficult or awkward.

you say you're not homophobic, and even though you say you have two gay friends... i find it hard to believe you aren't when you say such narrow minded statements about how "awkward" things will be if he turns out to be gay. if he is gay, he already was gay. and its not awkward now is it? didn't think so - he was the same as he always was. its just a mindset that both you and your drummer apparently have.

if you're drummer as a problem with it, then frankly he is ignorant and personally, i think hes an idiot....you should like someone / be friends with someone for their personality, not their sexual orientation. if you are not homophobic like you said you are, then shouldn't you think this too?

it sickens me that people in this century are still so many closed minded to sexual orientation.

i never even post on UG, but i thought this one was warranted - i'm sick of people throwing out the word gay like it a bad thing/weird thing.
Last edited by Retemeris at Sep 8, 2007,
#27
Try to stop thinking about it and let the situation go away. If you ask him and he says yes, you're probably going to unintentionally act different around him. If you ask him and he says no, then your friendship could be damaged. If you are really his friend then you wouldn't care if he is gay or not.
Order & Justice
Order Restored, Justice Served
#28
why are you swinging your junk around at band practice?

and the guy from judas priest is gay, so gay and metal work.

just leave him alone, gay people arent these man-hungry horn dogs who will pin down the hottest piece of ass they can find and rape the sh*t out of it. you're safe. get off of his ass, cause he wont be dry humping yours. if he's your friend nothing will change. and if he doesnt want to tell anyone, thats his choice, not yours.
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Return to a Condition of Being...<-Band. Add plz!
#29
Quote by Marwanbaki
maybe i wont swing my penis in jams anymore






I'd say a gay bass player is the least of your bands problems
#30
i do not see why people are threatened by gay people? if he is, so what, chances are he's not into you, if he is, it's just like a girl - he wants to be with you, you say no, its all fine. Just because he's gay doesn't mean he's going to rape you
#32
Dude, honestly, you think having a gay bass player nullifies your right to show your dick to the rest of the band? Seriously man, that is your problem right there. Not the bass player.

I mean, seriously dude, doesn't that bother you?
Quote by death_metaller
**** burzum XD

there i said it...kinda

edit: i do realise they are not here...so i kinda didnt say it...




fail
Last edited by Under_The_Oath at Sep 13, 2007,
#33
Quote by PaperStSoapCo
why are you swinging your junk around at band practice?

and the guy from judas priest is gay, so gay and metal work.

just leave him alone, gay people arent these man-hungry horn dogs who will pin down the hottest piece of ass they can find and rape the sh*t out of it. you're safe. get off of his ass, cause he wont be dry humping yours. if he's your friend nothing will change. and if he doesnt want to tell anyone, thats his choice, not yours.


good stuff coming from the guy who has "wii is for queers" on his tag
Who decided that pie would be sold on Tuesday but not Wednesday?
#34
Maybe he means, Wii is for queers so straight people shouldn't play it becasue we are stealing their culture. Hmmm?
A band of my very own:

Pyknic
#35
Well not long ago I found out one of my best mates (a bassist coincidentally) is gay. What do I do? I dont care, I just go on as if hes a mate, theres no need to confront him about. You mentioned ignorance but I dont see it that way. I feel that if he feels insecure about his sexuality so be it, the last thing he wants is his mates coming up to him and questioning him about it. If you feel you trust each other enough to talk about it, then talk to him. Go straight up with him and say; i know youre gay, and I dont care, youre a mate and if you want me to keep it quiet then I will.

The drummer being a homophobe (or a homo hating person), I would just tell him to stop being a judgemental prick and deal with the fact that other people are different to what he would like. If he says its against its beliefs then so be it, tell him to grow up and accept that people have different beliefs to his.

The whole scene not liking gay metalheads, is the situation I'm in, never speak of it and you wont get a problem. The people who know are hopefully good enough human beings to just keep it hidden.
As the angel kisses me once again
You scream poison as you glare
Your bow and arrow by your side
As if you cared


It's a mour......astral congregation
#36
If you really didn't have a problem with him being gay, you A) Wouldn't be in your current dilemma, and B) Wouldn't have made a thread about it on UG. Homophobia isn't limited to Fred Phelps-types citing Leviticus and talking about damnation for gays; people who refuse to identify themselves with that radical branch of homophobia automatically assume they're tolerant and open-minded, when the fact that you view your friend differently/suspiciously because of his being gay is a degree of homophobia. (If not a verbatim definition.)

Any right you have to know about his personal life (though I don't believe you have much right) is overshadowed by his right to privacy. Have you considered the notion that maybe he just simply doesn't want to tell you? Maybe he doesn't want you to know, maybe he's not ready to make that information public yet, or maybe he knows you'll react like this; blowing up the situation and treating him differently.

If you really don't feel comfortable with having a gay or allegedly gay member in your band, then ask him to leave. No use in trying to fix such things. Your bassist might be really offended/insulted/hurt, but in the long run, he'd probably do well to avoid an environment that reacts to his sexuality in such a negative manner.

As for your drummer, does he look down on homosexuality because of real religious or moral conviction, or just because he thinks it's gross/weird/awkward/etc? If it's the former, I can understand his position. Personally, nothing I believe in in a religious or ethical sense says that homosexuality is in anyway immoral, but I do have strong convictions, and I stick by them. As silly, primitive, stupid, or meaningless as any beliefs may seem, they are still somebody's beliefs, and you can't do much about them. However, if it's the latter and your drummer's just an idiot, then I'd recommend telling him to get the hell over himself and to grow up; the "Dude, I don't want a dude hitting on me, dude." mentality became taboo after 6th grade. If a gay person knows you're straight, it's HIGHLY unlikely he'd hit on you, especially if you're all friends and you all know each other's boundaries. But like I said, if you and your drummer can't get over yourself, you might want to consider finding a new bassist with a private life you fully and completely approve of.

Oh, and don't ask, that's just plain old insensitivity.
When crying don't help
You can't compose yourself
It's best to compose a poem
An honest verse of longing
Or a simple song of hope...
#37
Look at it this way, if he's gay it just means he likes 'some' guys the way you like 'some' girls, its not like he eats babies or something.......
::type
#38
My drummer is BI (a girl)
My singer is BI (a girl)
My lead guitarist is a frigid bitch.. girl..

And I like to kiss guys, being a guy.. roflolol


Personally, just live with it.. People are people
#40
i dont mind gays tbh, but are you sure he's actually gay.

im straight, and know it. but at the same time, i dont mind putting my arms round pl or giving them a hug if the want it. im comfortable, are you sure your not reading the signs wrongly?
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