#1
This song is called "Sometimes".

Verse

Sometimes I wish I could be somewhere else
Sometimes I wish you'd say something else
Sometimes I wish I was in a place
Where I couldn't see your face!

Chorus

You don't understand how you make me feel
You may not beleive this is real
I'm lost inside , Hate's never changing
Your in my mind never fading!

Verse

When I see you I get a feeling
A feeling of hate
This must be my fate
To hate you till the end!!
#2
Ok I was told I have to critique others if I want any critique on my lyrics...which makes sense. So here it goes. This is better then some, but your rhymes are obvious (in my opinion.) You use common words that have been over-used too much. And it is too structured.. your ryhme scheme for the most part is lines 1-1-2-2 (last words in the first two lines rhyme with each other as do the ones in the second.) Don't get me wrong some songs sound good like that but it's hard to imagine without hearing any music behind it. But as for the lyrics.. not bad. You are obviously not completely new to song writing.
#3
Quote by ja7fe
Ok I was told I have to critique others if I want any critique on my lyrics...which makes sense. So here it goes. This is better then some, but your rhymes are obvious (in my opinion.) You use common words that have been over-used too much. And it is too structured.. your ryhme scheme for the most part is lines 1-1-2-2 (last words in the first two lines rhyme with each other as do the ones in the second.) Don't get me wrong some songs sound good like that but it's hard to imagine without hearing any music behind it. But as for the lyrics.. not bad. You are obviously not completely new to song writing.

i'm not completely new, no,, but this is some of my earlier songs that actually sound good
#5
Quote by ja7fe
cool keep it up

thanx, ill take the advice and write somethin better