#1
this is a short story i'm writing for my english class. some critique and thoughts on it would be nice.


Lijodi just happened to be there on that fateful day. Normally, he never would have been seen there. But that day, he had made an exception. For that day Lijodi was to meet her. She had said that she had a gift for him. Something worth his time and worth the risk of being in the forbidden burial grounds of the deceased elders. Yet there he was, as he had been for the past half hour, and there she was not.
Perhaps, he thought, she is not going to come. could this have been just a ploy to give the elders yet another reason the punish me, to prove that I am not worthy of becoming a warrior.
Just as Lijodi was about to leave, he saw a shadow move.
"Who's there?" he called out.
"Luriah," the figure replied.
A short figure emerged from the shadows. A green robe covered the frail old lady who was slowly making her way toward Lijodi.
"What took you so long to approach me? I could have been training for my trials!"
"The trials the the Elders give you will be of no use to you if you listen to me," Luriah said, almost whispering.
"What do you mean the trials will be of no use to me?"
"There is a sword, located deep in a cave in the mountain side," Luriah explained. "This sword is no ordinary sword, for the sword is imbued with ancient magic. It is known as the Sword of Ithanar The wielder of this sword will have the power to rule over kingdoms and destroy any opposing forces."
"If such a sword existed," Lijodi began hesitantly, "why has no one attempted to claim it before now? And why have I not heard of it before?"
"There are many dangers protecting it! To protect the youth of the clan, the knowledge of the Sword is kept a secret from many. To try and fetch the Sword is like walking to your own death... except for you. For you are destined to be the one who unites the warrior clans with the sorcerer clans and brings peace to our world!"
Lijodi thought about this for a quick minute. He would be ruler of the clans, having no one to oppose him. No longer would he be at the bottom of the clan heirarchery. His family would be royalty, rich and powerful. But his trials were in three days, and there was no way that he would be able to scale the mountain, find the cave, locate the sword, and make it back down in time. If he missed the trials, Lijodi would be exiled from his clan, forced to live alone in the wilderness, not able to rely on his own warrior clan to help defend himself from the sorcerers. His own existance was on the line. If he failed...
"No," Lijodi replied. "there is too much for me to risk. Shame on my family, my exile, and most likely death! I would have to return in three days to make it to my trials and not be exiled. It would take at least three days to reach the sword!"
"Ah, I guess I forgot to mention that you will be granted special powers to aide you in your quest. you will gain the powers of the elements during your journey up the mountain. With each obstacle you overcome, the power of a new element will be yours. when you reach the sword, a final power will be acquired: teleportation. So, should you reach the sword in three days, you shall be able to return in time for your trials. Three days to overcome four obstacles and reach the sword. what do you say now, Lijodi?"
"I accept your quest for the sword, Luriah, though must I leave right away? There are a few things i would like to do back in the village before I leave."
"You are free to embark on your journey whenever you please, for it is yourself that set the three day requirement. I wish you luck, Lijodi. May you be successful in your quest."
And with that, Luriah disappeared into the darkness once more.


"Father!" Lijodi called as he walked into the den of his home. "I have some news!"
"What is it, Lijodi? Do you have any new information about your upcoming trials?" his father replied.
"No Father," he answered. "I have been asked to embark on a quest, a quest far more important than the warrior trials."
"What kind of quest?" questioned his father.
"A quest for the Sword of Ithanar."
"How do you know about that? Only people who have passed there trials are told about it, and they are forbidden to try and retrieve it unless they have proven themselves! On top of that, anyone who has gone after the Sword has never returned! I forbid you to make this journey!"
"I was told by a priestess that I am destined to retrieve it! It will take me three days to reach it, but once i do, I shall be able to instantly return in time for my trials!"
"My answer still stands, Lijodi. I forbid you to attempt to retrieve the sword. Should you choose to disobey me, I will disown you."
"Then I am disowned! I will retrieve the Sword of Ithanar and bring the clans together, with or without your help!"
Lijodi stormed out of the house after this, leaving his father speechless.


It took Lijodi the rest of the day to reach the mountain. Once he got to the base of the mountain, he began to have second thoughts.
What if I don't reach the Sword in time? What if I cannot make it past the protection? How will I face Father if I return emptyhanded?
Lijodi shook off the thoughts and cleared his head. Tonight, he would rest. Early tomorrow, he would begin the ascent toward the highest cave in the mountain to fulfill his destiny.

Lijodi awoke at sunrise the following morning. As he gazed up at the mountain, he saw that it comprised of five plateaus before a final cliff near the top. He assumed that two challenges were on the first two, a resting area on the third, and the final two challenges were located on the last two plateaus. He took one last look back at his village, barely a speck in the distance, one deep breath, and began to climb towards the first plateau.
When Lijodi reached the first plateau, he saw that there was a warrior blocking his path to the next.
"What is your business here?" the strange warrior asked.
"I seek the Sword of Ithanar," said Lijodi.
"I am the Wind Warrior. I am the first of four challenges. You must defeat me in battle to continue on," the Wind Warrior explained. "Prepare to die!"
With that, the warrior moved with the speed of the wind toward Lijodi. Right before the collision, Lijodi rolled to the right.
This challenge shall be easy, Lijodi thought. I must simply roll and trip him when he rushes me. Then I will be able to subdue him!
The Wind Warrior sped toward Lijodi once again. At the last second, Lijodi moved his body out of the way, but kept his leg extended to trip his foe. His plan worked! The Warrior had fallen! Lijodi quickly jumped on him and slammed the Warrior's head into the ground. The body of the Wind Warrior fell limp and began to disappear. Lijodi began to feel the air rush around him...
"You have defeated me in combat, seeker of the Sword, though you are not the first," the Wind Warrior's voice echoed from no where. "There are three more challenges beyond me that have succussfully stopped others before you. Take my power of Wind and continue your quest. I wish you the wisdom to return to your home with my powers and your life."
Lijodi felt another rush of wind and realized that he could control the air around him, as well as move much faster. Invigorated and excited, he hurried onward to the second plateau.
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#2
What caught his eye was a crack in the steel bars that incarcerated him.
Hah, they still haven’t realized who I am, if these bars had been magically enhanced, it might have given me a bit of a challenge, he chuckled in amusement. Volt combed his gray hair with his fingers as he focused on the burden that he afflicted the Dorentians. He puzzled over the fact that he, one of the unrivaled Grandois had been captured by a few low-ranked officers unworthy of even his mere presence. However, that wasn’t the worst of his problems, he had lost one of the legendary 9 books of the elements, in which contained many forbidden spells, it would be a potential disaster if brought into the wrong hands.
"Dvrik!" He shouted.
In an instant, a fiery cut smeared across the obstruction that was restraining him.
I still have it, he thought looking straight at the newly melted passage.
He slowly crept through the hole, making as little noise as possible. He then proceeded to glance in both directions; he was indeed lucky; there was no one to oppose him of his swift escape. The echoing cries of the men in their cells haunted him. He quickly ran through the dungeon, brightly lit by the torches that were trailing the corridor, until the screams of anguish turned into nothing but silence. The dampness of the air left him longing for the cool breeze of his hometown, or it might have only been the nostalgia of being unable to visit his granddaughter for quite some time, guarding one of the ancient books was a burdensome task, and now was probably in the possession of someone who was arrogant of its power.
He stopped abruptly in front of a wooden door. The sign read “Treasury room”, luck was on his side. He carefully peered through the small opening.
Only one guard ... no wait …
Shivers suddenly pored down his spine. He felt an abnormally powerful evil aura heading his way. He firmly pushed the door with his aged hands.
“Intruder!” the guard cried, charging Volt clutching a sword in his hands.
“Brerm,” he calmly uttered. Volt raised his palms towards his target. Just as the guard raised his arms to strike him, he was suspended effortlessly in the air, seemingly withheld by an invisible force.
He took a glimpse at the room; it was relatively small, books laid toppled on a wooden table, and abundantly pressed together on shelves, weapons ranging from quarterstaffs to daggers were left carelessly on the floor, and pieces of parchment were scattered all over.
“You can come out now,” he said spotting the extremity of a black cape beside one of the armoires.
The man slowly arose. He wore a white tunic with an embroidered raindrop on each side of his shoulders. His countenance was not one of fear but of passiveness. He had stunning features, blue eyes and long black hair reaching the end of his slender neck. His sheath clicked by his side at every sudden movement. But it was the golden pin attached to his shirt that intrigued him.
“A Shendo ranked man in a run down jail, a young one at that.” Volt paused, he remembered that the book was somewhere in this very room.
“A legendary Grandois of the land of Dorent, roaming about in Pasifica, how out of place.” He smirked, looking at the scar on Volt’s left cheek. “Volt Amerldios, also known as the flash prince of darkness, how incredibly fascinating. Your black spells even outclass those of the land of the shadow, Elnis Noir.”
“My, my, a knowledgeable man, on a different occasion we could have chattered for days, however, I will have to end this acquaintance now.” Volt said, trying to sound as intimidating as possible.
But the man did not falter. His eyes coldly pierced his; it looked as if the man would tear him apart at any given time.
Suddenly, they both gazed at the door. A crackling sound followed by the shattering of the door dirtied the area; flying bits of debris and the dust build up in the air made Volt cringe. A cloaked man, apparently untouched, trudged towards them.
Immediately, the Shendo drew his sword and took up an unusual fighting stance. After chanting a few words, his sword took up another color, blue. It had an aquatic feel to it, calm and uncaring but had a mysterious ambiance about it, like the sword held powers waiting to be unlocked. The cloaked foe seemed to have very thin scythes at each hand but when he waved them for a moment they appeared to have blend into the light.
“Grandiossss.” He slithered, completely apathetic to the Shendo “Where is the book of shadowsss?”
But before Volt could answer, the man alongside him bolted towards the new enemy. He leapt at the veiled assassin. He twirled with great agility giving the impression of a glowing tornado. Despite the brisk thrusts of the young man, the cloaked figure was a formidable enemy. He parried all of his assaults efficiently and invaded most of his attacks with inhumane speed, nevertheless the Shendo was holding his own in the fight blocking and dodging with lighting speed, with the exception of sometimes being only a hairbreadth away from death.
“I have no time to play with you anymore.” He chuckled.
The Shendo struck the man in a horizontal fashion. That, however, had proven to be his demise. All in a blink of an eye the cloaked man held the edge of the sword between his two fingers.
“You have good speed, however you make too many unnecessary movesss,” he snarled. “And such hatred, what did I deserve for sssuch an assault?”
“Who are you?” Volt interrupted.
For a while, the three men stood still, as if time stopped.
“You are powerful, wizard, your remna is controlled with practiced precision.” He said looking at the guard lying at his feet.
“You’re not bad yourself, I think you even outclass me in the kesslar arts,” Volt replied, “Now sir, may I know your name?”
“Adel”
Adel I have heard of him before... he pondered. Then he remembered, a tale long ago. He had thought that it was only a myth to scare little children, the mere idea of it being true shook him aghast.
“Adel the king of darkness, correct?”
“They ssstill call me in sssuch a fashion …”
“I can understand, I mean they branded me as the flash prince of darkness after all.” Volt laughed.
Adel inspected the area, and in doing so, found out that Volt was no longer in custody of the book.
Before anyone could react, Adel appeared on the opposite side of the room, clutching in his hand a book with an antiquated cover.
“The book of shadows.” The Shendo gasped.
Volt materialized and in a blink of an eye, was back to his original spot.
“Thisss truly is the flash prince of darknessss, your speed is the greatest of your time.” Adel laughed staring straight at the tome in Volt’s grasp.
Suddenly he was knocked to the air by a massive force. Despite his extensive experience in battle, he had not even seen the punch.
Volt had realized, he could not win this fight. Not only did Adel surpass him in the kesslar arts, he controlled an unbelievably large flow of renma without any difficulty, not even a sweat of stress came from manipulating it.
Volt stopped in the air. He still had an advantage, the knowledge of the forbidden dark spells. But, he knew, that wasn’t enough; it would only buy him some time from the inevitable.
“I didn’t even see you strike, I’m embarrassed, I got beaten at my own game,” he said, rubbing his cheek, hoping that the pain would subside. “Be honored, this is a spell I have never shown anyone before.”
Volt held his arms up in the air, concentrating at nothing in particular. His face calmed, it was as if he was enjoying himself.
“O howling wolves of the underworld, I call upon the supreme darkness, I summon thee, Galgatros.” He recited.
In that instant, a black hole appearing from nowhere, now occupied the middle of chamber. The room trembled in the efforts to sustain the power drawing from within.
“Galgatros! You fool of a man, you summoned HIM from anyone else you could have summoned you summoned HIM! Do you not realize that he was the one who started the war of the kingdoms?” The Shendo said, struck with awe and fear at the same time.
Suddenly, the room was filled with darkness, only to be replaced by a creature. Half of its face was undistinguishable; a worn-out mask hid one of its golden demonic eyes. It flew around the room, despite the many scars and wounds on its wings, indicating the many struggles and torment that it survived. Looking closer, it seemed exhausted, as if it was under a pillar of burden.
“It’sss been a while brother.” Adel said looking amused, “How long has it been … a century or two?”
Seemingly out of nowhere, the demon produced two small daggers, which were encrusted with ancient runes. Volt opened the spell book, and quickly flipped over the pages.
“Hm where could it be…” he quietly whispered, while scrolling his wrinkled index searched the tome. Finally he stopped, and sighed with the sign of relief. It read:

Unholy Retribution; Enchantment, 6th level spell.
Effect: Attributes any weapon of choice with unmatched darkness.

Volt walked towards the creature, eyes still wondering the book. He touched the summoned demon’s daggers at the dull end. Almost instantaneously the metal turned black and darkness protruded its surroundings.
“Evil… this feeling … can’t be real … it’s like … fear embraced its weapons… its hunger for death … unbelievable, even for you Volt Amerldios … to cast this spell,” the Shendo shook, not in fear, but in awe.

Amerldios laughed. He carelessly walked towards his sibling, looking him straight in the eyes. For a brief period, they stood still, glancing at each other’s direction, however Volt couldn’t feel any tension amongst Amerldios. It was as he was fearless of any threat, as if everything he saw in front of him was a joke.

“Attack.” Volt commanded.

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#3
that's a lot of wordz n shit yo
Quote by Stephen Colbert
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#4
you need more background. All of the sudden SWORD!!! what the deuce is the sword for. Why's it important?

Just things to think about.
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#5
i thought i might need more background, but it's just supposed a little thing the follows or includes elements from the "Hero's Journey" guidelines.
any other opinions? comments? suggestions?
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#6
i cant pronounce the viking names

i read to the point where i saw a name like asodji and i couldnt bear it lol

why cant it be Bob and Sally?
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Orginally posted by Master

Yep. It was my birthday and I was wanking in my room and all of a sudden my whole family came jumping in yelling "SURPRISE!!" I guess they were the ones who ended up being surprised.