#1
I wrote a new song at 3 in the morning last night. I can't explain where the inspiration came from, but this song is by far the most emotional and best song that I've ever written. It's called "Getaway" and it's about two people who have been neglected and/or hurt by their parents and find solace in one another. Check out the video at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w9eYS0pOkT0. There are still some kinks to work out and I hope to have a demo up on my Myspace soon.
Here are the lyrics...

Jimmy sits by the phone
In his corner all along
Wondering if his friends will ever call
His mother drinks herself away
Tells him he's her worst mistake
What Jimmy doesn't know is that she means it

Hold on, Jimmy
Hold on, Jimmy
Hold on

Chorus:
Can't you see you're worth much more
Better pick yourself up off the floor
When you walk out that door
You better make a getaway

Sarah lies awake at night
Been a while since her mother died
She hates it when her father starts to touch her
She can't help but let him in
When his finger touch her skin
She cries and says, "I wish it wasn't me"

Hold on, Sarah
Hold on, Sarah
Hold on

Chorus

Sarah's now Jimmy's wife
They lead a pretty normal life
They said to tell you, the baby's doing fine

Thanks and C4C,

Anthony
#2
i believe that should be "fingers", in the plural, in the fourth stanza - sorry, just being picky. ^_^

you know, the first time i read this, i thought these're the kind of lyrics that need good music to go with them. basically, there's no obvious problems with the lyrics themselves, it's a pretty solid piece overall. on the other hand, and concerning the lyrics alone, i feel it's a little too plain. besides, i've mixed feelings about the last stanza, cos the whole song is full of melancholy and sadness, and in those three lines you go for changing the mood completely. dunno, i like what you're trying to do, but it just doesn't work that well for me - i think i'd go for something a little more subtle there, can't say exactly what.

that said, i totally agree with what you said about this being a really emotional song. i can totally relate to what you're saying here, and it's extremely touching. the music is ace too, and the lyrics fit it perfectly. i really like it, mate. great job.

EDIT: forgot to mention something: in the fourth stanza, i'd try to find something more subtle for "when her father starts to touch her". dunno, i think it might be just cos something more vague would have a deeper effect on the reader, but i'm not sure. might just be me, anyways.
so who do i have to kill to get a crit? --> Memory


(e-cookie for whoever spots the alliteration, ha)


y cuando llegue el momento, sólo el viento se llevará lo que siento; y cuando acabe mi suerte, sólo en la muerte estaré fuerte y despierto...
Last edited by spanishsmn at Sep 7, 2007,
#3
Its a pretty nice piece, but if you want my opinion the last three lines are utter crap. They are so random and out of place, it breaks the flow. Its so great, then the last line is just out of place, and just to happy that it screws with the depressing mood of the song.
Otherwise, great piece.
#4
everyone else is right! I watched the video, nice tune btw, the last lines are out of place.
maybe another few lines connecting the two, but showing the similaritiies between them rathere than their togetherness