#1
Okay, I am going to continue posting really really old songs that I wrote a number of years ago when I first started writing. I remember writing this song outside of my house, scared but excited for what was coming my way with my oncoming college education. I was being forced to let go of everything I had finally gotten a grasp on during my senior year of high school. I finally had some friends i felt, and I didn't want to leave. I had no idea what kind of journey God had in store for me. I wrtoe this two days before my last day of school while I was cutting my grass. This isn't a good song by any standards, it is only the 7th song that I ever wrote, but I want to post on here for fun, and as always, for entertaining me with a comment on this song, I will critique yours. Tell me what you think and leave me a link.

There is a second part to this song, that I wrote after I got very pissed at someone who was in my graduating class, but I will put that one up later.

"Year Book"
Adam Schultz
5/17/2005

These halls are filled with celebratory sorrow
We all can't wait to leave this place
But what we'll have to leave inside of it
Is what we will miss the most

Friendships and good times
Bad food in lunch lines
We can only move on from here...

Two more days til graduation
I'm flying throguh all of the tests I'm taking
Running on one-hundred percent adrenaline
And it's only two more days till graduation...

Take a good look around
Make sure to remember eveyr face
We've all impacted eachother
Do you know how you will be remembered?

Friendships and good times
Bad food in lunch lines
We can only move up from here...

Two more days til graduation
I'm flying throguh all of the tests I'm taking
Running on one-hundred percent adrenaline
And it's only two more days till graduation
Two more days til graduation
Two more days to say my goodbyes
Two more days for the sun to rise
On another day inside of this place
And it's two more days til graduation

Two more days to tell that girl my name
Two more days to pull my prank
Two more days, O two more days
To change the way
That you all think
Of me...
#2
do u want crit?
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#4
"Year Book"
Adam Schultz
5/17/2005

These halls are filled with celebratory sorrow
We all can't wait to leave this place
But what we'll have to leave inside of it
Is what we will miss the most

Not much to complain about here. The lack of rhyme is a bit awkward, but the meaning in the stanza more than makes up for it
Friendships and good times
Bad food in lunch lines
We can only move on from here...

The "times, lines" rhyme sounds a bit forced, but other than that I like this stanza too.
Two more days til graduation
I'm flying throguh all of the tests I'm taking
Running on one-hundred percent adrenaline
And it's only two more days till graduation...

The third line sounds like it has too many syllables, it kinda messes with the flow, but that's just me. Maybe take out "one-hundred percent" (but hey it's your song)
Take a good look around
Make sure to remember eveyr face
We've all impacted eachother
Do you know how you will be remembered?

This stanza seems unnesecssary. I think it messes with the flow of the rest of the song.
Friendships and good times
Bad food in lunch lines
We can only move up from here...

Two more days til graduation
I'm flying throguh all of the tests I'm taking
Running on one-hundred percent adrenaline
And it's only two more days till graduation
Two more days til graduation
Two more days to say my goodbyes
Two more days for the sun to rise
On another day inside of this place
And it's two more days til graduation

nothing to complain about here
Two more days to tell that girl my name
Two more days to pull my prank
Two more days, O two more days
To change the way
That you all think
Of me...

my favorite stanza. It's a great way to end the song.
All in all it's a pretty cool song, especially for only the 7th one you ever wrote. Trust me, you dont want to see the 7th song I wrote lol. Thanks for the great read!

EDIT: if you want to crit one of my songs, here's the link to the only one I've posted on here. https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=556431&highlight=cameras
Last edited by captain_jack at Sep 8, 2007,
#6
Nice song. I can relate to that and I think a lot more people can too. My only suggestion is to put a little bit more specific memories into your song. Like when you say "friendships and good times." Deeper descriptions of what you are talking about paints a deeper picture for the listener and therefore more enjoyable.

BTW I like the crit you gave to johnmalkin on "crawling" I think we both have reached the understanding in songwriting to stay away from cliches and such so I'd appreciate it if you could crit my song... https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=665937

It is a closed thread so maybe you could quote and post on this one or send me a PM
#7
hmm. This actually reminds me of a country song a little bit. Its the main style I can see the lyrics being sung in. (not that i know if you even care about putting it to music) It was pretty entertaining to read...its pretty simplistic but it has a good message. I like this because its the kind of song that would sort of take everyone back to that one common time in their life. The only part I didn't really like was the "bad food in lunch lines." That line seemed just a little corny but it works. Overall its very well written especially considering it was one of your earlier songs.

crit mine?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=669646