#1
This is my first song here. Its a rough draft and a bit different than what I used to write, so its probably a bit rough and amateurish. Its a new direction though, and I'm a lot happier with it. Anyway this song is about where I'm at right now in life and the confusion and frustration that comes with it. I'm too old to be a kid or even really a teenager now, but I'm too young to have a real life, ya know? Anyway, it'd be cool if you told me what you thought about it and maybe gave me some advice. Thanks.


At first I was full of light,
As I'm sure we all are.
Then came the summers calling,
Light fading like a falling star.

Now summer's passed and I can't help wondering,
Is this all we really are?
Someone told me there's still light out there...
But I'm still waiting for my brand new star.

Maybe I'm just too young to know,
Maybe I'm just too old to care.
Caught in between an old and new life,
Yet neither direction seems to be fair.

Enticed by the luxuries of a world far away,
Yet drawn back to the comforts of home.
Nowhere to start, nowhere to go,
Nowhere to go and call my own.

So hold onto that star as long as you can,
Listen to the voice inside the light.
For when it goes, and go it will,
Your light will never again be so bright.

Maybe I'm just too young to know,
Maybe I'm just too old to care.
Caught in between an old and new life,
Yet neither direction seems to be fair.
The sound of a beginning always brings an end,
But jump into it without fear.
For the older you get
The more you forget
Until you forget you were ever here.
#2
At first I was full of light,
As I'm sure we all are.
Then came the summers calling,
Light fading like a falling star.
nice. though i think you should avoid the repetition of "light". just reword the last line slightly

Now summer's passed and I can't help wondering,
Is this all we really are?
might work better as "is this really all we are?"
Someone told me there's still light out there...
But I'm still waiting for my brand new star.
nice reoccurence of the star metaphor, but again, youve overused the word "still". maybe rethink your wording.

Maybe I'm just too young to know,
Maybe I'm just too old to care.
Caught in between an old and new life,
might flow better if you put "...between an old and a new life"?
Yet neither direction seems to be fair.
the rhyme here seems a bit obvious and forced. i dont think you need it at all

Enticed by the luxuries of a world far away,
Yet drawn back to the comforts of home.
Nowhere to start, nowhere to go,
Nowhere to go and call my own.
dont like the repetition of "nowhere to go"

So hold onto that star as long as you can,
Listen to the voice inside the light.
For when it goes, and go it will,
Your light will never again be so bright.
good idea - again though, don't force rhyme

Maybe I'm just too young to know,
Maybe I'm just too old to care.
Caught in between an old and new life,
Yet neither direction seems to be fair.
The sound of a beginning always brings an end,
nice juxtaposition
But jump into it without fear.
For the older you get
The more you forget
Until you forget you were ever here.
i dont think this flows that well - maybe leave out "ever"?

overall a very good piece with the potential to be great. i like the simplicity of it. think a bit of fine-tuning is needed but otherwise excellent.

would love if you could crit my new piece
when the guardian angel sleeps at his post - https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=665201
#3
This is what happens when I write at night lol. I didn't even notice the repetition in the lines. I'll try to fix them in a bit. Thanks for the crit.