#1
Tale of the Prophet-Morior (Part One):

The wind is raging fiercely, the rain lashes the land,
A prophet he once told me, don't hold onto hope's hand,

A land once proud and honoured, in the hands of a young king,
His name is now forgotton, too heavy a burden was his sin,

His light burns dark now,
memories fade to black,
the fire grows cold now,
as The Prophet turns his back,

Betrayed and left suffering, His people abandoned him,
Without them he is nothing, except a fallen King,

He is darkened in his own time, too young to rule his land,
Abdication was his true crime, not holding onto hope's hand,

His light burns dark now,
memories fade to black,
the fire grows cold now,
as The Prophet turns his back,

He stands alone, in the lashing rain,
nothing remains, not even his name,
he couldn't foresee, he wouldn't believe,
But that prophecy, it's his destiny,
now thrown in the rain, awash in his pain,
he mounts his horse, awash in remorse,

His light burns dark now,
memories fade to black,
the fire grows cold now,
as The Prophet turns his back,


Tale of the Prophet-Penance to Pay (Part Two):

The Eleventh Hour drawers slowly nearer,
No more can i suppress my fear,
Instead i sit and wipe my tears,

Far too long i've played their game,
For far too long i hid my pain,
And now they'll see what i became,

Struck by the hand of fate,
Cast dead on judgement day,
Now there's Penance to Pay,

I feel like the noose is around my neck,
My entire life they have made a wreck,
I stand on my own feet and start my trek,

Creeping through shadows i'm drawing nearer,
I have become what they made me fear,
The end will be marked in morbid tears,

Struck by the hand of fate,
Cast dead on judgement day,
Now there's Penance to Pay,

The sands of time have bought me here,
On this night the sky is clear,
Villages are burning now,
Salvation fate will not allow,

Far too long i've played their game,
Far too long i hid my pain,

I raise my sword up to the sky,
Crashing down a thunderous strike,
My lust for vengeance they can feel,
Adrenaline rush as steel meets steel,

A crimson sky is cast above,
A setting sun, the colour of blood,

Here i stand alone, with the battlefield as my home,
They shan't see the light, The Gods have forced this fight,
As the dragon he holds his breath, I stare in the face of death,
The Gods beckoned judgement day, They know there's Penance to Pay,

Fire's of hell are raging now,
Before their King they must all bow,
I have the power i have the force,
Now i'm bearing no remorse,

Far too long i've played their game,
Far too long i hid my pain,

I fight until my death arrives,
The Gods are watching from the skies,
"The king is back prepare for death,
A one man army with callous wrath!"

A crimson sky is cast above,
A setting sun, the colour of blood,

Here i stand alone, with the battlefield as my home,
They shan't see the light, The Gods have forced this fight,
As the dragon he holds his breath, I stare in the face of death,
The Gods beckoned judgement day, They know there's Penance to Pay,

Struck by the hand of fate,
Cast dead on judgement day,
Now Penace has been paid,

Tale of the Prophet-Tyrant (Part Three):

Prophet (to the suppressed):
Now you wont forget me,
It's written in your blood,
I decide my destiny,
Not you or any God,

God of War (to himself):
Look at all that ravaged land,
The broken souls of the fallen clans,
What have i done to let this be?
The Prophet nor i had shown mercy,

Prophet (to suppressed):
Thou shalt obey my orders,
If not then pay the penance,
I am your king, i am your God,
Or face your death sentence,

God of War (to suppressed):
Take your weapons prepare to fight,
In the tyrant's shadow you must unite,
Time is drifting slowly away,
Don't worry that there's penance to pay,

Prophet (to his army):
They have united against us,
There's still killing to be done,
In the Gods we cannot place our trust,
Now fight until death comes,

Army General (to Prophet):
You cannot do this i must say,
I will not kill ever again,
Far too long i've played your game,
Far too long i've caused them pain,

Prophet (to general):
It's the order from the God's up high,
If you dont obey then you shall die,

General (to Prophet):
I will not be your angel of death,
Nor will i still hold my breath,
From this day forth you're on your own,
For my wife i am now heading home,

Prophet:
Traitor! Traitor! I'll kill you myself

General:
And make me a matyr,

Prophet:
Your army stands against you,

General:
They are loyal unto me,

Prophet:
I am the King obey me!

General:
Your obsessed with your power now die before the Gods,

Narrator:
The general lunges forward,
Grasps the Prophet by the throat,
The end is drawing closer,
His death is hear almost,

God of War (to suppressed):
Break their walls, kill them all,
They've wronged you and your wives,
You must defend, or go to hell,
The price would be your lives,

Narrator:
Hammer and sword collide in anger,
The two sides fight to the rage of thunder,
Cries of pain, blood falls like rain,
the army crumbles under the wrath,
of those that they caused pain,
The land once proud and honoured,
drowning in a lake of blood,
all because of one man's greed,
and the games of war's God,
#2
This trilogy is really cool conceptual stuff. It draws in the eye and mind very well, without coming across as contrived.

I especially love “tyrant”, it’s practically a musical!

I love some of the metaphorical verbs “the rain lashes the land” – beautiful. If this descriptive skill was consistently applied to the whole piece, it would be an exceptionably good piece of work. It’s certainly my favourite line.

Have you written the music for this yet? If not, you could do something really cool with “la folia” type inversions.

In terms of improvements, your best bet would be to watch the spelling and grammar. This is the prime place that you lose marks on, presentation is of course important.

Some of the rhyme schemes sound a bit puerile, but you have to bear in mind that they always will on paper.

Overall, I'm gonna give this a 9/10.

If you could crit me back a few lines I’d be eternally gratituous.

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=667167

Cheers.