#1
Okay, here's my first serious post here. It's one of my first works, so please crit as much as needed, so I may improve. I'll point out in brackets lyrics that seem to need help. It's has a triplet feel by the way, so, that may resolve any meter problems. Oh, and no title yet.


The bees are buzzing by
While the black hawks fly
And the fire burns hot in the sea

Once color's right
While another is wrong
And we all run differently

Green is the goal
Because it's always been in style
And when they grow old
They'll leave the will with their child

^^[This is a transition into a double time drum beat. The lyrics sound odd to me though.]

Necessity, reality,
Individuality
What is the point of this game?

You concoct a gleeful dreamworld
Where little boys like little girls
But for happiness we must all be the same

Settling all of our differences
With totalitarian sentences
Your obsession for peace does seem quite odd

You act as though you're religious men
So could you explain why to us then [Seems like an awkward line]
All the desire for hypocrits trying to play God

We think that control will
Undoubtably earn us
The right of a royal decree

But all in the end
Will it bring resolution
Or's doom the demise we will see

Do you seriously think
You are doing us good
With efforts of Medieval kinds

Well let it be [pick up notes]
Me to inform
Though you may win the game
You'd be killing us at the same time
Quote by hard_rock101
if i started a brutal death metal band, id call it Bleeding Asshole
Quote by abdulalhazred
I really don't know whether I hope this is a troll thread or not....... I mean...either he raped a girl
Or thinks it's ****ing hilarious to joke about it.
He's a monster either way.