#1
The song that goes unheard
The tongue on which it’s perched
The Memory goes on
Until the deed is done

The feeling twists and turns
Until it all just burns
Burns away
Another Day

It’s just a memory
That’s clinging to the edge
A sight that’s lasting on
One second of insanity

The picture never fades
The sights are all the same
The twisted sights and sound
Come from all around

Can you hear a fools call?
The one that will break your fall
Break away your mirrored lies
Unleash….

The soul beckons to be free
Free the beast…
In a memory
The picture never fades…
One second of insanity
Left undone…


Yeah, I just whipped that together, came out alright, needs a bit of work still, well needs a lot of work still, feel free to crit away, and dont forget to leave a link to your stuff so I can crit it!!!

Led Zepper
Last edited by Led Zepper at Sep 11, 2007,
#2
yeah...it's a bit mishmash, whole lotta(love) ideas thrown together in an unravelling spool of words. but it works...very ledzep which, i can see, is your style. with a bit of work..could become a great rock song.

and links are in my sig
#3
For something you knocked up very quickly this song is a genuine masterpiece.......speaking from personal experience songs i wrote quickly, had to rush or just wanted a short snappy song, never quite turned out as well as i hoped...i'm not sure what you were aiming for but i was would say this is great work and would kill for the ability to write as good songs as that quicker than my current ability...you should be glad dude ...you have talent and you can show it quickly...in my opinion something like that gives you an edge over other musicians..good luck...let me know when you record this...

Cheers,

Dan
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#5
Quote by Led Zepper
The song that goes unheard
The tongue on which it’s perched
The Memory goes on
Until the deed is done
pretty mysterious intro. i like it. it sets a weird vibe.
The feeling twists and turns
Until it all just burns
Burns away
Another Day
not bad here either. it flows well with the first verse.
It’s just a memory
That’s clinging to the edge
A sight that’s lasting on
One second of insanity
i like how it gets more personal here.

The picture never fades
The sights are all the same
The twisted sights and sound
Come from all around
nice transition..but i don't like the repetition of sights.
Can you hear a fools call?
The one that will break your fall
Break away your mirrored lies
Unleash….
I personally just don't like the word fool here...but what you're saying is interesting.
The soul beckons to be free
Free the beast…
In a memory
The picture never fades…
One second of insanity
Left undone…
hmm this part seemed a little out of place to me...with the whole beast line. seemed random.

Yeah, I just whipped that together, came out alright, needs a bit of work still, well needs a lot of work still, feel free to crit away, and dont forget to leave a link to your stuff so I can crit it!!!

Led Zepper


overall it was an interesting piece. and thanks for the crit.
#6
anOnyMouSanIe , thanks for the crit it really helps a lot, and about the last verse, the three pieces that I've got in my sig, they all have something to do with each other...so, thats why some of the lines may seem out of place. Oh! and no probs about the crit, it was a pleasure

Cheers

Led Zepper