#1
.


Disappointingly Deceiving.


As I gazed at a rather
graphic representation of
aural intercourse I glanced
at the young woman beside
me and in the most British
accent I could muster I murmured:

“Quite suggestive”

The cold stare I received in return
was heart-wrenchingly pant-loosening.





c4c
#2
It made me laugh .The whole thing is a one long run sentence , which is really helping in ur case.I Will add more when I'll reach home.

When i first read it . i didn't like it because the whole thing was one long sentence to me.but after reading it two to three times . I understood what u were trying to do and i liked it.

As far as changing things is concerned. i think it's very well written. I really liked the Whole british accent part.
Hi
Last edited by abhishek21 at Sep 9, 2007,
#3
I enjoyed it :p Though i read the whole thing in a stephen Fry voice...
Its not really anything i can suggest to improve!
And Like That. He was Gone.

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#4
mmm I got kind of a sexual vibe from this. not sure if that was intentional or not.
But it's you, So 10/10 <3
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#5
I like it.

I would normally hate this.
マリ「しあわっせはーあるいってこないだーからあるいってゆっくんだねーん 
いっちにっちいっぽみーかでさんぽ
 さーんぽすすんでにっほさっがるー 
じーんせいはっわんつー!ぱんち・・・


"Success is as dangerous as failure. Hope is as hollow as fear." - from Tao Te Ching