#1
Marching through the lands,
Of many years past,
I didn't know where to go
But I had to get there fast.
I had lost too many men,
I was now the only one,
But I knew I must prevail,
I must soldier on.

I knew what to do,
Nobody stood in my way,
So what went wrong,
On that fateful day?

I was punished,
For my sins,
For my crimes,
But it wasn't my fault,
I lost my mind,
They took control,
Of my body and soul,
I felt my memory fade,
I had to pay,
For I was involved,
In the Holy Crusade.

Limping back to camp,
I met a man, old and frail,
He tended to my wounds,
And told me of a tale,
The tale of a sword,
Which was locked up high,
High in a tower,
As high as the sky.

I knew what to do,
Nobody stood in my way,
So what went wrong,
On that fateful day?

I was punished,
For my sins,
For my crimes,
But it wasn't my fault,
I lost my mind,
They took control,
Of my body and soul,
I felt my memory fade,
I had to pay,
For I was involved,
In the Holy Crusade.

Over mountains and valleys,
Through mud, snow and rain
This trek was like torture,
But I had so much to gain.
I knew where the tower was,
And what lay inside,
I just had to get there,
Claim the ultimate prize.

I knew what to do,
Nobody stood in my way,
So what went wrong,
On that fateful day?

I was punished,
For my sins,
For my crimes,
But it wasn't my fault,
I lost my mind,
They took control,
Of my body and soul,
I felt my memory fade,
I had to pay,
For I was involved,
In the Holy Crusade.

I reached the tallest tower,
And I claimed my prize,
But in my year-long journey,
I had lost all but my pride.
I laid my fingers upon,
Its gem-encrusted hilt,
And I saw a small inscription,
And I fell victim to my guilt.

For there was a curse,
Laid upon this sword,
I would have to carry,
Forever through this world.
Its warning, I would not heed,
Tempted too much by greed.
I wish right now I had,
Listened to what it had said,
As I am set to live forever,
Yet not alive, and not dead.

I was punished,
For my sins,
For my crimes,
I was all my fault,
I lost my mind,
I gave up control,
Of my body and soul,
I let my memories fade,
I had to pay,
For I led the way,
I led the Holy Crusade.
#2
Quote by Ezuma
Marching through the lands,
Of many years past,
I didn't know where to go
But I had to get there fast.
I had lost too many men,
I was now the only one,
But I knew I must prevail,
I must soldier on.
Nice flow, and its easy to visualize

I knew what to do,
Nobody stood in my way,<- little lag in the flow here
So what went wrong,
On that fateful day?
Really good peice, it makes you think.

I was punished,
For my sins,
For my crimes,
But it wasn't my fault,<- This part
I lost my mind,
They took control,
Of my body and soul,
I felt my memory fade,
I had to pay,
For I was involved,
In the Holy Crusade.
All flows nicely exceptBluePart

Limping back to camp,
I met a man, old and frail,
He tended to my wounds,
And told me of a tale,
The tale of a sword,
Which was locked up high,
High in a tower,
As high as the sky.
Nothin to say here

I knew what to do,
Nobody stood in my way,
So what went wrong,
On that fateful day?

I was punished,
For my sins,
For my crimes,
But it wasn't my fault,
I lost my mind,
They took control,
Of my body and soul,
I felt my memory fade,
I had to pay,
For I was involved,
In the Holy Crusade.

Over mountains and valleys,
Through mud, snow and rain<- no need for comma after mud
This trek was like torture,
But I had so much to gain.
I knew where the tower was,
And what lay inside,
I just had to get there,
Claim the ultimate prize.
Sounds good

I knew what to do,
Nobody stood in my way,
So what went wrong,
On that fateful day?

I was punished,
For my sins,
For my crimes,
But it wasn't my fault,
I lost my mind,
They took control,
Of my body and soul,
I felt my memory fade,
I had to pay,
For I was involved,
In the Holy Crusade.

I reached the tallest tower,
And I claimed my prize, <- try not to repeat the same line or phrase i.e. Claimed my prize
But in my year-long journey,
I had lost all but my pride.
I laid my fingers upon,
Its gem-encrusted hilt,<- Little break in flow
And I saw a small inscription,
And I fell victim to my guilt.
What guilt?

For there was a curse,
Laid upon this sword,
I would have to carry,
Forever through this world.
Its warning, I would not heed,
Tempted too much by greed.
I wish right now I had,
Listened to what it had said,
As I am set to live forever,
Yet not alive, and not dead.
Nothin to say, good flow.

I was punished,
For my sins,
For my crimes,
I was all my fault,
I lost my mind,
I gave up control,
Of my body and soul,
I let my memories fade,
I had to pay,
For I led the way,
I led the Holy Crusade.
Good ending, i like how the last chorus is sorta a mix of the two main choruses


All in all sounds good, a few flow problems but they can easily be fixed.
One last thing, the Holy Crusade was an attack the Roman Catholics made on Juruselam to gain terratory.
Birdie Birdie in the sky, why'd you do that in my eye? Looks like Sugar, Tastes like sap.....OMG ITS BIRDIE CRAP!
#4
yeah thats sounding much better now dude, you don't actually have to change the name of the song if you don't want to, maybe call it The Curses Greed Sharpened Edge, or something along those lines, but better
still loving it dude.
The Ripper

Oh the songs Jim, the songs, they'd melt your face!
#5
Hell good job right here, no need for extreme metaphors, (or metaphors at all), just simple, common language to achieve desired effect. Brilliant imagery, tied together well with rhyme.

ONE QUESTION???!!!!!

WAT WAS ON THE HILT?