#1
The title's just temp. It was originally called When Your Gone (because the last 2 lines were original saying that) but I thought this version was better.

This is something I wrote about 5 months ago, but I always change the odd word here and there. Some thoughts on it would be nice.

------------------------------
VERSE 1:
I don't understand a word you're saying,
everything sounds so strange.
And it's you not me who keeps on praying,
that our life will change.
(quick beak)
You're gettin' fed up of the way we're living,
your words are knives today.
Are you taking enough for what you're giving,
I ignore you anyway.

BRIDGE:
Wont somebody let us know which, way we have to go.
I'm giving up trying to talk to you, you're not listening anymore.

CHORUS:
We threw our lives away,
it seems our luck was finally drawn.
Lines on your face, fill with lies & disgrace.
You've been a shambles from day one.
Gotta leave before the sunrise
So wake me up before the dawn.
'Cause you don't understand, you'll drown in your demand.
Don't fade out before you burn.
(fade out before you burn)

VERSE 2:
Loosing everything that we thought we were,
you know it's become too late.
Bound by the thought of being drowned,
draw me a plan of escape.
(quick beak)
You tried to brush over all the cracks
but I guess the paint's too dry.
Tired and burnt yeah with all we'd learnt,
we leave without goodbye.

BRIDGE:
Wont somebody let us know which, way we have to go.
I'm giving up trying to talk to you, you're not listening anymore.

(Break/solo)

(Repeat Chorus)

(End)
#2
Hey this was pretty good, a nice solid piece of writing.

In particular i think the chorus is very nicely written, good flow and whilst you're not pushing any lyrical boundaries-its still a good read.

return crit?

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=668703
“I smoke. If this bothers anyone, I suggest you look around at the world in which we live and shut your f*ckin' mouth.” RIP
Http://www.Smash-it-up.tk
#4
I liked ur song dude. I really liked how u used only simple words to convey ur message. i can clearly see that u have devoted time in it .i will look frwrd to read more of ur stuff. Anyway keep writing . I have to go somewhere now I might come back and add more.

Overall a good job
Andy
Hi