#1
Stand in the rain, mouth open and eyes wide, side by side.
So wet and welcome, every drop falls for you.
Wash away the wrong.
I’d drown here if you’d let me.
You said you’d wait for me.
Wet streets and wide eyes.
Where are you?
Interstates are only temporary.
Crash into me.
We won’t save you now.
I’d let you drown in that rain before I’d give you my hand.
And if ever You come near, I will hold up high a mirror.
Lord, I could never show you anything as beautiful as You.
#2
Fifty views and no replies?

Come on people!
And if ever You come near, I will hold up high a mirror.
Lord, I could never show you anything as beautiful as You.
#5
if you crit my stuff il crit this ahahhaa, thats how it works buddy
#6
You can start it too, my man :p^

On to the piece...

I dug this one a lot actually. The opening was good, the ideas were good (although not a topic I tend to enjoy). There were just a few problems with it that I had. Over all, I didn't think you created a rhythm throughout. The choppy declarations just got dull and didn't add any style for me. They came across as short and undeveloped in my opinion and didn't transition well. I was a little thrown off by the use of "crash into me." Dave Mathews reference?

Nonetheless, I thought this piece had some nice things goin for it, but it could be improved.

Cool.
Anatomy Anatomy
Whale Blue Review

Park that car
Drop that phone
Sleep on the floor
Dream about me