My friend and I decided to make a serious concept album about a man and a robot who travel through space. The whole thing is a metaphor, and each song is piece of it, even though individual songs will have their own meanings. Anyway, I started writing it today. I'd like to know what you think of the first verse of one of the songs. There is no melody or lyrics yet, but I'm planning on echoing or harmonizing the (yet unwritten) vocals with a synth melody. I did the recording and playing myself, on my computer. When we go back and rerecord everything, we'll have a real drumset to use, so the drums will be much high quality. Also, my friend is a really good bassist, so the bass part I wrote will probably change unless you guys really like it.

http://media.putfile.com/Space-Song-80 (it's looped twice)
Quote by alaub1491
Its alright. The keys are a little to like jazzish?

I agree, it does sound a bit jazzy.

Nothing wrong with it being jazzy though.
That's probably because of the 7s. I'm hoping if I just avoid the flat 7 in the melody line it will sound a little less prominent. Does that sound like it would work?
Sorry for the double post, but I wanted to update this before I go to bed.
I added a rough melody and synth line. They were all done in one take and I know they sound bad, but I wanted to give you guys a slightly better idea of what I'm hearing in my head.