#1
Like the title says, it's on the spot, and I just felt like writing something, so I doubt I'll make changes or anything.

So crit4crit as usual.


I've never flown in a plane before

What's it like?

So noticeable when you crash and tear up
Under everybody's radar
And in an atmosphere so confining
With scheduled landing times
And security laden boarding lines

I've never been away from home before

What's it like?

Don't bother answering

'Cause it's just like you
To make an excuse
For paying thousands of dollars
To be somewhere else
When everything you want
Is right here
Free of charge
It's a process, not an event.
#2
Quite an interesting idea. The "what's it like?" lines worked well, without them it probably would have been a lot weaker. I like the tone, it's brutal (lack of a better word). But for my liking, it's a little too negative for a topic like this. Say if you were writing about politics, war, a relationship, or something perhaps deeper, you would go all out there and really express the feeling you had. But with this, it just seems a little overdone. May just be me, mind. Another thing I liked was the final line, seems to work well on its own. But i woulda preffered this if there wasn't a capital at the start of every line, try it without, because to me it seems to disrupt the flow - it's harder to tell if it's a new sentence or not.

C4C - https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?p=10656454#post10656454. Thanks.
#4
I liked it. It wasn't cliched for one thing. I mean, a few of the ideas were, like not taking things for granted but no so much.

I had a bit of a problem with the structure though. For instance couldn't

"I've never flown in a plane before

What's it like?"

be on one line?

Also, why did you say "'Cause" instead of writing because?

Please crit mine: https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=670043
"Battle not with monsters, lest ye become a monster, and if you gaze into the abyss, your eyes will get sore after a while."