#1
So is that your humanity?
a dead dog’s entrails
spray painted on the street?


If this is too short, delete it, I don't remember the length rules.
マリ「しあわっせはーあるいってこないだーからあるいってゆっくんだねーん 
いっちにっちいっぽみーかでさんぽ
 さーんぽすすんでにっほさっがるー 
じーんせいはっわんつー!ぱんち・・・


"Success is as dangerous as failure. Hope is as hollow as fear." - from Tao Te Ching

#2
I'm pretty sure this is cool as far as length.

Beautiful piece too. So much can come from those 3 simple lines.

universally applicable to so much...
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#5
I don't see whats so great about it personaly, you can't realy say to much with 3 lines...it didn't trigger any emotions for me at all, I don't realy see the message in it.
#6
Quote by HLrocker
I don't see whats so great about it personaly, you can't realy say to much with 3 lines...it didn't trigger any emotions for me at all, I don't realy see the message in it.


+1...There wasn't enought there for me to get a proper image, is it roadkill? Or just a dead dog?
Quote by Demonikk
+1
I live by the method: 3 or less orange warning labels, and it's safe as a kitten


Quote by Charlatan_001
EDIT: Sammcl pretty much got it dead on.
#7
Quote by HLrocker
I don't see whats so great about it personaly, you can't realy say to much with 3 lines...it didn't trigger any emotions for me at all, I don't realy see the message in it.



Quote by sammcl-15
+1...There wasn't enought there for me to get a proper image, is it roadkill? Or just a dead dog?



with respect to your opinions, think about what is being said

There is so much in these three lines. That is the point of it. Not just an image. A meaning. A calling. Thousands of stories.
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#8
While I appreciate the message in this, there is something peculiar about it. Just the way it reads. I read through it dozens of times trying to figure out why it felt weird, and i think it is because of the double use of 's' in 'dog’s entrails'. I think this could have been a lot better, there is a niggling feeling that you just posted it to get your poem count up to 3 for this month, I don't know if that is the case though. But it really doesn't look like you put much effort into this, at all.

Sorry, I normally like your stuff, but eh... not this.

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#9
Quote by snowblizind911
there is a niggling feeling that you just posted it to get your poem count up to 3 for this month, I don't know if that is the case though. But it really doesn't look like you put much effort into this, at all.


I disagree. First of all, this is his only post in september so that rules out that theory (although the point is still taken).

I thought it read appropriately as well. No flow issues, word choice was fitting. "Entrails" almost makes me shudder but in a good way.

still,
opinion's an opinion
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#10
I agree with snowblind911.
It just doesn't do as much for me as it is for everyone else.
i look down at my hands,
like they were mirrors.
#11
Seeing as I've only posted twice here, oh, four times max, over the course of my being here, I doubt this is my "third piece of the month". But I understand what you're trying to say. And I didn't put any effort into this at all. The entire thing, word for word, came to me the instant I saw something.

Thank you for the comments everyone.
I'll work on effectiveness.
マリ「しあわっせはーあるいってこないだーからあるいってゆっくんだねーん 
いっちにっちいっぽみーかでさんぽ
 さーんぽすすんでにっほさっがるー 
じーんせいはっわんつー!ぱんち・・・


"Success is as dangerous as failure. Hope is as hollow as fear." - from Tao Te Ching

#12
Quote by jiminizzle

with respect to your opinions, think about what is being said

There is so much in these three lines. That is the point of it. Not just an image. A meaning. A calling. Thousands of stories.



With respect to your opinion, no. Its three lines about a dead dog, with an obscure link to a cynical view on humanity. Poor.

But, it does meet the minimum length criteria of 1 line. How about you aim for that next time?




love is a dog from hell.



#13
I thought it was pretty blatant. I'm sure a lot of users don't wear their sight-enhancing devices when they browse the web though.

Oh, and I'll try. I aim to please the schoolboys here, nah mean?
マリ「しあわっせはーあるいってこないだーからあるいってゆっくんだねーん 
いっちにっちいっぽみーかでさんぽ
 さーんぽすすんでにっほさっがるー 
じーんせいはっわんつー!ぱんち・・・


"Success is as dangerous as failure. Hope is as hollow as fear." - from Tao Te Ching

#14

How about you aim for 1 line, and I'll aim for a hundred. But try and make it good this time.

I've seen your other writing, you can do better than this.




love is a dog from hell.



#15
Quote by we have sound

With respect to your opinion, no. Its three lines about a dead dog, with an obscure link to a cynical view on humanity. Poor.

But, it does meet the minimum length criteria of 1 line. How about you aim for that next time?


sorry you feel that way. I just thought this was great. Personal connection maybe? Yeah.

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Park that car
Drop that phone
Sleep on the floor
Dream about me