#1
After you've smoked all of your cigarettes
and drank all of your wine,
are you sure you left all of your regrets behind

Was i just another one you wouldn't miss
the next one on your list
wish i couldn't remember the way we kissed

I would wear the same shirt two days in a row,
so i could have your smell
wherever id go

The taste of your smoke and lip gloss
was an intoxicating loss

After all my pills are gone,
no more missed calls on my phone
the suns gonna have to rise on its own
i need to hear some sounds that recognize the pain in me, yeah.
#2
Nice, but it seems . . . jumbled. I'd seriously edit this. Great material! It's a fantastic starting point, but it seems VERY rough. Sounds great, though. I can really hear it in my head.

I like the second to last verse, but it needs a little revising. Doesn't really fit.

All in all, great job. I'm glad you liked mine.
Sincerely, Chad.
Quote by LP Addict
LP doesnt have to stand for les paul.. it can stand for.... lesbian porn.
#3
thanks, your absolutley right. i just wrote this down about a half hour ago, i do need to order it differently, but thanks for the kind words.

oh yeah, which part dosent fit? its late, so forgive me lol.
i need to hear some sounds that recognize the pain in me, yeah.
#4

The taste of your smoke and lip gloss
was an intoxicating loss

It's a good start, but it needs development. Why are you saying this? What is the loss? Etc.
Sincerely, Chad.
Quote by LP Addict
LP doesnt have to stand for les paul.. it can stand for.... lesbian porn.
#5
that taste would be the loss, the taste was intoxicating. but i know what youre saying, it needs development. thanks!
i need to hear some sounds that recognize the pain in me, yeah.