#1
Stock up on the psychobabble, y'know?
listen, and keep it all in a coil,
sprung between your hands.
And every time you clap
we can play slinky with that fuckin awful advice,
every time you spank me we'll see castles in the sky.
I'd be glad I'm just a charicature but
some fucker sits painting my face all day,
line after line after line.
It ain't inter-gallactic,
it's freefall,
and we're in it together,
spank and clap and happy slap - digging it all with no
positivity.
And if god was Dan Waine then He'd
float down from heaven with a little red balloon,
give some good advice for once,
and cut me a bit of slack.
He'd rip us apart like the lamb in Jurassic Park,
change out blood to water...
to wine -
and put us back. Together.
Then He'd float off back to his Angels,
humming the tune to "blackbird" under his breath.




love is a dog from hell.



#2
This is what me and Matt think.

matt is art: it's a fucking rip off of everything you and I do
UncleStellar: yep
matt is art: take your witty chit chat
matt is art: and add whatever the fuck i do
matt is art: and you get this
UncleStellar: what a fuck.
matt is art: who the fuck is dan waine
UncleStellar: he talks about him like we're supposed to know him
UncleStellar: "stock up on the psychobabble, y'know" What is he, from Fargo?
matt is art: he's trying
matt is art: way to hard
matt is art: to sound earthy and folksy
matt is art: and it just sounds fucking stupid
UncleStellar: "Hey guys, I listen to earthy stuff like Iron and Wine because I heard a song from garden State."
matt is art: it's transcends that
matt is art: it's not earthy like that
matt is art: it's earthy like how someone post a conversation with their friend as poetry
UncleStellar: "Every time you spank me we'll see castles in the sky."
UncleStellar: what the fuck?
matt is art: wasn't that an anime?
UncleStellar: How the hell does that happen?
UncleStellar: When I have sex with my girlfriend, I don't see unicorns in the bed sheets
matt is art: castles in the sky
matt is art: let's break that down
matt is art: castles, an early place of dwelling for kings and queens
matt is art: sky, sky.
matt is art: so when he is being spanked
matt is art: like a pussy
matt is art: because only pussies like being spanked
UncleStellar: like a faggot
matt is art: he is seeing an early esoteric castle floating in the sky?
UncleStellar: apparently
matt is art: I could see this happening if Tolkien were writing this
matt is art: it doesn't mean shit
matt is art: i just read the park about Jurassic Park
UncleStellar: This is the year 2007 on Earth. Not the year 3,476 in Middle Earth
matt is art: he really is trying to hit it hard
matt is art: with the references
matt is art: Dan Waine
matt is art: Anime
matt is art: Jurassic Park
matt is art: and a reference to the song, "blackbird."
matt is art: why that's in quotes I'll never know.
UncleStellar: "He'd rip us apart like the lamb from Jurassic Park." Great metaphor, faggot.
matt is art: god
matt is art: that is so torrid.
UncleStellar: It's like, 'Hey, whats something that rips apart? Hmmm. ....the lamb from JP!"
matt is art: "he ****ed me like a black women, like halle berry in monster's ball."
matt is art: anyone can ****ing do that shit
UncleStellar: His face was ugly, like an ugly person's would be, y'know?
matt is art: i actually like my line better
UncleStellar: "His shirt was black, like the blackest shirt ever made."
matt is art: "his cock was small, like the lead singer from Wang Chung."
UncleStellar: he had hands, much like homosapiens
matt is art: it's generic writing tring to pose as witty satire.
UncleStellar: Satire on what? Stupid faggots?
matt is art: wait
matt is art: there's nothing satirical about this
matt is art: as far as I got, I think it's about a relationship
matt is art: but I can't tell
matt is art: because I'm too busy trying to figure out the references to random shit
UncleStellar: It seems to me like it's about a 17th century Knight pillaging towns.
matt is art: Dan Waine
UncleStellar: or a faggot
matt is art: Dan Waine was that knight, and when he was spanked he saw castles in the sky, after wards he watched Jurassic Park with his girl friend and ate her out like a lamb
UncleStellar: Nopw that's poetry!
matt is art: it was a ****ty rip off of our stuff
UncleStellar: Agreed
UncleStellar: You know who was great?
UncleStellar: Shel Silverstein, because he wasn't a faggot.
Poor advice.
#3
You're telling me that I used too many references? Are you having a fucking laugh? You need to reduce your head sizes a bit - I hadn't read anything from either of you before I started writing again. But thanks, I guess. I'll just take pride in the fact that it must have made an impact, good or bad.

I didn't write it for you, I don't expect you to have any idea what it means. But you could make an effort to enjoy the words, without being a scathing cunt.




love is a dog from hell.



#4
To me, it was interesting and original. In some parts, the tone (conversational, kind of?) worked well. But as it was displayed throughout the piece, with no real change in feel, it wasn't as effective as it could have been. Perhaps, break it up a little, give it a bit of structure. I personally, at the moment, have no clue what it meant. But that didn't stop it from being interesting. Good writing & good ideas. Thanks for the post on mine, I'll be checkin out whatever you write from now on.