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#1
Ok, so some people may have seen my couple of posts in regards to this girl I've been chasing after and have been getting blown off and it's driving me nuts. This has forced me to re-examine the way i treat girls and my conclusion is, in fact, I am WAYYYYY too nice. And it gets me nowhere.

Furthermore, I've looked back at my last four relationships and seen something interesting:

Out of the four of the last gf's, I myself had to ask out three of them, so i took a look at what happened with the odd girl out. The only one that asked ME out, I never gave her the time of day, whenever she'd hit me up on AIM i'd talk real quick then lsign off, I didn't have a cell phone at the beginning so she'd never know where I was and subsequently called everybody - even my guitarist - looking for me. When she asked me out, initially i said no but the next day was like "You know what? **** it." and we went on a few dates.

The revelation lies in the fact that I treated that girl like she didn't matter to me at all and the funny thing is I couldn't understand why she was so hung up on me when I broke it off in only the third week. She actually "needed" me to come see her and talk to her one last time and even then, I avoided her emotionally.

NONE of this was done on purpose/strategically but actually because I truly liked this other girl from the same college much more. I was just eating lunch and i totally dropped my sandwich all over the place when I realized all this at once.

To make this a discussable matter you can post you views on treating girls like crap to get them to like you and why you think that is true; my own personal situation (if you want links to the posts I'll give them); or any or your own revelations along the same lines. Thanks.
Quote by Briyan_15
I think this man has a reputation to defend and "poop head" is not in that reputation.


Quote by omegasus
RUSSELL! WHAT THE ****!!!!
#3
Quote by confusius
Yeah man, I feel your pain, bros come first...

*obviously didn't read it all but tries to fit in*

Same...

At the thread title I was going to say "not as much as a revelation as finding 3 nuts in a monkey nut", but I looked at the first line and decided against it.
#4
I feel the same way.

I was far too nice and it was taken advantage of. Stupid fucking cunts. I was supposed to just take it to the chin and move on ... my view to girls has changed a WHOLE lot.
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#5
You CAN be too nice, for sure.

It sounds retarded, it IS retarded, but if you let some girls know your always there for them, they don't want to hear it.

What? Don't ask me why this is. It just is.

Either that or everyone I know is too immature...
#6
^^^ nice. Sorry I make long posts but it wouldn't have made sense to post it without all the info there. I'm just trying to help other dudes out in figuring out that they gotta blow chicks off to get them to chase you. It's being done to me right now by some chick and i saw the pattern when i looked back at my old gf, that's all.
Quote by Briyan_15
I think this man has a reputation to defend and "poop head" is not in that reputation.


Quote by omegasus
RUSSELL! WHAT THE ****!!!!
#7
Unfortunately some girls do like to be treated with a little emotional detachment; my best friend (who is a girl, by the way) hates it if guys go soppy on her at all. And I'm sorry to hear about your sandwich.
Love is not a victory march.
Last edited by shakysam at Sep 11, 2007,
#8
I treat women as equals, so I don't talk down to them.

If you do talk down to the fair sex, you're sending a bad mesage
hue
#9
i think its because girls want that one guy who will change for them...

like that'll ever happen
#10
Being a prick will get you nowhere. Unless the girl has some serious self esteem issues and likes being mistreated.
#11
you want what you cant have therefore if your realyl nice to some one, overly nice, sometimes theyre not fussed as they know they can have it..
#12
Quote by shakysam
Unfortunately some girls do like to be treated with a little emotional detachment; my best friend (who is a girl, by the way) hates it if guys go soppy on her at all. And I'm sorry to hear about your sandwich.

Oh it's cool, it didn't fall apart so I still ate it . On topic though: Idk if it's because most girls my age are totally insecure that they need to be treated as such. Maybe it's that they subconsciously don't believe they DESERVE someone who'll treat them like gold. This is also the reason guys freak when their girlfriends get older and eventually talk about the next level: cause they've woken the **** up! Pretty sure I'm right, right there.
Quote by Briyan_15
I think this man has a reputation to defend and "poop head" is not in that reputation.


Quote by omegasus
RUSSELL! WHAT THE ****!!!!
#13
Quote by sock_demon
I treat women as equals, so I don't talk down to them.

If you do talk down to the fair sex, you're sending a bad mesage

This is a very general statement.

What if the girl you are treating "like gold" turns out to be some piece of shit? Sure made me stop and think.
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#14
You know, it's funny that everyone on here seems to have figured out that you can't treat them like gold already but failed to inform me. I had to figure out for myself?! wtf?!?! lol.
Quote by Briyan_15
I think this man has a reputation to defend and "poop head" is not in that reputation.


Quote by omegasus
RUSSELL! WHAT THE ****!!!!
#15
You're very right, girls don't ever really go for guys who are too nice and if they do it's never for long, they always get stuck as "just friends". Girls want a challenge.
#16
Quote by La Qotsa
This is a very general statement.

What if the girl you are treating "like gold" turns out to be some piece of shit? Sure made me stop and think.


do you treat everyone 'like gold'?

Treat a girl as you would anyone else. Giving special treatment to women pretty much singles you out to get walked all over anyway.
#17
Quote by Mistress_Ibanez
do you treat everyone 'like gold'?

Treat a girl as you would anyone else. Giving special treatment to women pretty much singles you out to get walked all over anyway.

But you can't even half-ass it to the point of just "not treating them any different". It's pretty evident that the only time you'll have a girl begging for your attention is when they know they won't get it. And that's ****ed. But it's true. Maybe you're different ("Mistress"...assuming ur a chick) and congrats if you are cause that's awesome, but most girls...aren't.

Look at it in my situation: I've got this chick I've taken on two dates and hung out with a couple times in one week. She's got this ex-bf who keeps calling her treating her like ****...yeah who gets called back...NOT ME. Last time I ACTUALLY heard from this girl was a week ago today. And i've made the horrible mistake of keeping on calling her and leaving her messages. Here and now, I've decided to wait for her to call me, then it's her turn to get blown off, cause that's the only thing that's gonna work apparently. See what we mean, mistress?
Quote by Briyan_15
I think this man has a reputation to defend and "poop head" is not in that reputation.


Quote by omegasus
RUSSELL! WHAT THE ****!!!!
#18
That sounds like she's not over her ex, it has nothing to do with the way you're treating her.

I just don't think you can tar half the population with the same brush. Chances are someone looks for attention when they know they won't get it, then lose interest when they do, just to boost their self-esteem, which isn't something that only women do...
#19
Lol, explain this to me.

She's asked another guy out ... but isn't over her ex yet. Anyone else smell rebound?
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#20
Quote by Mistress_Ibanez
That sounds like she's not over her ex, it has nothing to do with the way you're treating her.

I just don't think you can tar half the population with the same brush. Chances are someone looks for attention when they know they won't get it, then lose interest when they do, just to boost their self-esteem, which isn't something that only women do...

but you see, I've heard the whole situation out with her and him and he drove her away with how much a douche he turned into. Now he's keeping contact with her and only SORT of being a douche, thus grabbing the attention back. Again, I haven't talked to her lately but the chances of her hanging with this kid is slim since she's always with her friend Lisa and not to mention this guy lives almost 50 miles away lol.

to the second thing you said: I totally agree. I've realized that I often want what i can't have. HENCE why I was going insane when she was blowing me off. What I'm saying is, with girls it's necessary. Guys: not as much.
Quote by Briyan_15
I think this man has a reputation to defend and "poop head" is not in that reputation.


Quote by omegasus
RUSSELL! WHAT THE ****!!!!
#21
Quote by La Qotsa
Lol, explain this to me.

She's asked another guy out ... but isn't over her ex yet. Anyone else smell rebound?

I thought that too and also why I'm not psyched on the whole situation but she only went out with this dude for a month...or so she says anyways. Assuming the month thing is truth, who the **** rebounds from a month-long relationship? lol
Quote by Briyan_15
I think this man has a reputation to defend and "poop head" is not in that reputation.


Quote by omegasus
RUSSELL! WHAT THE ****!!!!
#22
Quote by Nor'Easterbass
I thought that too and also why I'm not psyched on the whole situation but she only went out with this dude for a month...or so she says anyways. Assuming the month thing is truth, who the **** rebounds from a month-long relationship? lol


Women?
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#23
Quote by La Qotsa
Women?

Well then I'm ****ed then huh?
Quote by Briyan_15
I think this man has a reputation to defend and "poop head" is not in that reputation.


Quote by omegasus
RUSSELL! WHAT THE ****!!!!
#24
Quote by Nor'Easterbass
Well then I'm ****ed then huh?


Don't worry, just keep trying what you're doing. I've tried being nice and being more of a challenge a fair amount of times and everytime the nice thingy fails and the challenge thing works.
#26
Quote by Les Paul Ell
Don't worry, just keep trying what you're doing. I've tried being nice and being more of a challenge a fair amount of times and everytime the nice thingy fails and the challenge thing works.

Thanks for the reassurance, really. It's all i really can do, too. good thing is, if she ends up with the other dude that's like 2 weeks wasted on my part whereas if I get her, lemme assure you it'd be mother****ing worth it.
Quote by Briyan_15
I think this man has a reputation to defend and "poop head" is not in that reputation.


Quote by omegasus
RUSSELL! WHAT THE ****!!!!
#27
Quote by Mistress_Ibanez
Being a prick will get you nowhere. Unless the girl has some serious self esteem issues and likes being mistreated.


Mistress, you make me not hate being part of the female population so much.

I like how guys get this revelation (every guy I know has had this and I'm always around for it ) and then they start treating girls like crap, and then the real girls get the crap too.

I gotta tell you, as a female, I can see right through it when they're putting on either the "nice guy" or the "jackass" act, and it automatically dashes any chance they could have. The only thing that really impresses me about a guy is one who can be entirely his own person regardless of what weight it will have on me, or any other girl he's pursuing.

Just a little FYI, the girls who have self-respect and substance most likely won't be doing any "chasing" at all. If they're worth anything, they won't stick around to be treated like crap, so if you treat girls badly, you'll be stuck with the "remainders"; ie the crappy self-esteem-issue-having girls that will "chase" you.
#28
I dunno but this would make alot of sense to me at the moment, everyone says im really nice, but ive never had a proper girlfriend
#29
ughh, as long as I ignore women they like me, but once I pay attention to them it's like I have an anti women deodorant on. That's our problem with you ladies, as soon as you get the attention you wanted, you don't want it anymore. once I called a girl twice in 30 minutes and she was all "stop crowding me, I need freedom"
#30
Bro, just dont be a doormat. No special standards, get your priorities right

girl(s) < life. I'm not being a sexist so, it'dbe guy(s)< life for all you nice girls out there.

remember that , and you'll be fine. Don't go out of your way too much.

cheers,

Warren
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#31
Quote by blu_flame34
Mistress, you make me not hate being part of the female population so much.


I gotta tell you, as a female, I can see right through it when they're putting on either the "nice guy" or the "jackass" act, and it automatically dashes any chance they could have. The only thing that really impresses me about a guy is one who can be entirely his own person regardless of what weight it will have on me, or any other girl he's pursuing.




This is a woman who knows her stuff.

* in a very Borat-like voice * I like you! high five!
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Quote by Bennetts_strat
^Dude, he's an 02'er.... He could put you in dog collars and make you his bitch if he wanted.

YOU stop phailing.
#32
well. yeah im "too nice".

i dont care. it works. cos i make them feel like they are someone special.
#33
Quote by La Qotsa
Lol, explain this to me.

She's asked another guy out ... but isn't over her ex yet. Anyone else smell rebound?


Nah I smell fresh fish and some potatoes.

That's only because it's for dinner though.
#35
Don't try to "act" a certain way just to get a girl dude. Thats stupid.

Don't act overly nice, don't be a complete douche. Be yourself.

If you just be yourself and she still doesn't come to you, then it probably wouldn't work out to well in the end anyway. Theres always a woman out there that likes you for who you are, not what you're trying to be.

Btw, standing around hoping for a girl to get over her ex usually doesn't work and ends up in a big disappointment. I did it for almost 2 years. I actually did hook up with her often though, still ends the same almost every time man. Heartbreak.
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#36
Don't act like a mean guy if you generally aren't. Just act the way you usually do and be supportive when she needs it. Don't smother her, let her be her own person and you can be your own person.
Also, don't go out with girls when you don't even really like them in the first place, especially when she was that into you.
#37
Quote by Jackolas
You CAN be too nice, for sure.

It sounds retarded, it IS retarded, but if you let some girls know your always there for them, they don't want to hear it.

What? Don't ask me why this is. It just is.

Either that or everyone I know is too immature...


+1 I got dumped by this girl because I'm too nice. I'm trying for round 2 to get back with her, being less dependant and pushover-y this time. It's not gotten anywhere, but it's only week 3 of school.
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#39
Quote by blu_flame34

I gotta tell you, as a female, I can see right through it when they're putting on either the "nice guy" or the "jackass" act, and it automatically dashes any chance they could have. The only thing that really impresses me about a guy is one who can be entirely his own person regardless of what weight it will have on me, or any other girl he's pursuing.


What about when being "too nice" isn't an act, but just who you are? I'm plagued by being "too nice", that's because when I really like a girl, I want her to be the happiest person alive, and for some reason that seems to put girls off. Meanwhile I've had girls stalk me who I had no interest in, ignored, and was kind of a jerk to. I couldn't act that way towards someone I actually like.
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#40
Quote by Nor'Easterbass
Ok, so some people may have seen my couple of posts in regards to this girl I've been chasing after and have been getting blown off and it's driving me nuts. This has forced me to re-examine the way i treat girls and my conclusion is, in fact, I am WAYYYYY too nice. And it gets me nowhere.


No way, stay nice! The girls your going for are the ones who are doing something wrong.
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